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The Sinister Secret Behind Doritos X-13D
by Kris on 6/2/2007 (2)

With taste like this, who need enemies?
For years it sat on the shelves, covered in dust. Labeled X-13D, no employee willing to try them and executives afraid to send it to stores. Rumors persisted of the new employee who once tried it and died two days later. No one knew if it was true or not.

Known internally as "Barbeque Ketchup Foot" for its disturbing taste resemblance to a ketchup covered foot dipped in barbeque sauce, Frito-Lay executives knew it wouldn't sell. Outside of Jeffrey Dahmer, that's not a taste combination that appeals to anyone.

It seemed destined to remain in the vault of unsold Doritos flavors with other non-favorites like Cherry Bass, Pickle Cheesier, and Spicy Hot Squid. And sat it did, for over five years. And then a marketing stroke of genius struck and you can now find X-13D at your local Frito-Lay vendor.

The sinister plot, and I stress the sinister part, is so simple that marketing gurus will be speaking of it for decades to come. Rather than selling the consumer on a flavor that no one would ever want to try, the chips are labeled by the internal code name X-13D. This causes consumers to have to purchase the product to find out its ill nature. And even worse still, they are asked to visit a website and try and name the product. I have to figure that my two suggestions, "Barbeque Ketchup Foot" and "Fucking Terrible" will never end up on the bag, but they should.

Alas, the future of X-13D more than likely ends before any customer submitted name will ever dawn the label. When the secret gets out to the general public, any desire to purchase the product will be gone except for the sadistic few who wish to know first hand just how bad it really is. And then X-13D will be gone. Gone from the grocery shelves and gone from the Frito-Lay factory where they sat for years.

And me, I'm still out $3.49.h=0" hei


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Comments

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