Bush to UN: Join us or die
on 3/18/2003 (2)
Only twenty-four hours after United States President George Bush issued an ultimatum to Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to leave Iraq, Bush has issued a second ultimatum, this time directed to those countries in the United Nations that have failed to give US their support.
|"There is no limit to just what Saddam will do. This is the man that tried to kill my father after all." |
"Saddam [Hussein] is a menace to society and must be removed from power by any means necessary," said President Bush in a statement to the UN released earlier today. "He has been in power far too long and he has had twelve years to disarm. We mustn't give him more time to build up forces, magical hidden forces that can only be seen by US surveillance and are stored in invisible bunkers that also only can be seen by US surveillance. We urge the nations of the UN once more for your full support. If you are not with us in this battle, then you are against us. Join us, or die."
The nation of France, one of the most outspoken against the US initiative for military action, seems to be one of the most likely targets of this message. Unfortunately, French President Jacques Chirac was unavailable for comment, but had he commented, we assume it would be something like this: "We surrender, we surrender."
Just what sort of action the United States would take is currently unknown, but it will undoubtedly be swift and vengeful. We base this off of no real research or information, but solely on the fire the burns in President Bush's eyes to eliminate all those who oppose him and our natural tendencies to assume everything will end in a brutal and bloody finale, oftentimes at the hands of giant robots.
"I think they'll drop a lot of bombs," said Steve Jenkins, local Blockbuster Employee of the Month. "Big ole nuclear bombs, just like in that movie... Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
The retributions of such actions could be very catastrophic not only for the United States and the nations they attack, but for the entire world. Initial estimates show that by attacking these UN counties, they will likely retaliate towards the United States and possible scapegoat Canada. This will eventually escalate into a full on, nuclear war. A war the likes of which hasn't been seen since Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. The survivors of this war will be forced to endure a nuclear winter in which the sun never shines and mutant wildlife overruns man as the dominant species on Earth. Eventually all men will die and the mutant wildlife will regain what is rightfully theirs.
"That doesn't sound good," said political analysis Clay Pott when told of our end of the world scenario.
While no timetable has been announced for this second ultimatum, it is likely that it will extend shortly after the ultimatum of forty-eight hours given to Hussein and up until just before war officially commences on Iraq. Now we can only hope that the other countries join the US or the US backs down on this threat, less we live the rest of our lives in fear of mutant squirrels and deer in a world of perpetual darknessone">
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