Gary, Indiana Officially Named America's Butthole
on 5/21/2008 (2)
Based on the suggestion from the American Association for State Naming (AASN), which was previously responsible for such gems as "The Grand Canyon State" for Arizona and "America's Wang" for Florida, the United States Government has officially proclaimed Gary, Indiana to be "America's Butthole".
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"High crime rates, poor education, clammy weather, and a distinctive ass smell from the many steel mills made Gary the logical nominee for America's Butthole," said John Gresmith of the AASN. The AASN had considered other cities like Detroit, Cleveland, and St. Louis, but ultimately felt that Gary "exhibited those characteristics closest to a butthole out of any of the cities reviewed".
"Gary, Indiana oozes out crime, economic despair, unemployment, and a foul stench that permanently stains anyone it touches much like a butthole would ooze out awful smelling things things that the human body does not need," read a Whitehouse Press release explaining their reasoning for awarding Gary this honor.
Residents of Gary reportedly have mixed feelings about this moniker. While some take offense to be compared to one of the human body's least attractive features, few can deny that the $100 donated to Gary by the American Association of Proctologists (AAP) will help rebuild their city.
"The influx of money from the AAP will do wonders for our city," said Gary Mayor Rudolph Clay. "Imagine new textbooks for schools, additional police forces in high crime areas, and a giant fan that will blow our foul stench into neighboring Chicago. "
And then with a smirk on his face, the Mayor added:
"It's not like everyone didn't already consider Gary to be America's Butthole already, the only difference now is that it's official."/tds/go.php?
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