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Local Man Mistakes Whirring Whiney Hard Drive Sounds For Asthma Attack
by Mark on 5/31/2008 (0)

Yarr! To the brig with ye, matey! Yarrr!
SELENA, CA - Selena resident Pedro "Porkchop" Martinez recently mistook the high pitched, whirring and buzzing sound of his 10,000 RPM Maxtor Diamond hard drive for an acute asthma attack, according to a rattled though unhurt Martinez late Friday.

"I've got bronchitis real bad. Asthma too." murmured Martinez "Every time my hard drive kicks to life and starts spinning, it sounds just like an asthma attack, like constricted bronchial tubes, you know? Really sends me into a tailspin and reaching for my Xolair, for real. And that's not the only thing. When that old hard drive reads files, it sounds just like a mouse scratching in the cupboard. Even gets the dog barking. That's scary too."

Indeed, Martinez is not the only one.

Millions of PC users have described ambiguous, puzzling sounds emanating from their machines, ranging from alarming pop-up blocker whooshing software sounds, clicky email alerts and cheesy IM chimes to pop-on, pop-off, Jack-in-the-Box cooling fans and crunching and kerchunking printer carriages. The overall effect is often one of fear and malaise, as these sounds are often confused with prowlers, medical afflictions, rodents or mechanical malfunctions in the home. No word is out what PC manufactures can do to mitigate this troubling dilemma, but none can doubt that the Digital Age has ushered in a Brave New Audio World.

"I guess it could be a lot worse." professionally pondered Martinez "At least those ear-splitting dot matrix printers of the 90's are gone and floppy drives don't sound like an electric razor anymore, so I'll take a moderately deep breath and deal with it, at least until my prescription runs out or I keel over from a myocardial infarction, whichever comes first.


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