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Microsoft Pays Couple to Name Child After Their Search Engine
by Kris on 6/20/2008 (1)

All your children are belong to us.
New Jersey, NJ - Long has Microsoft run a distant third place in the search engine wars behind Google and Yahoo, a position those inside the company are not at all happy about. In proving that Microsoft will stoop to the lowest common denominator in order to win this battle, they have just paid out $150,000 to a New Jersey couple who have in turn named their newborn daughter Live.com.

"Live.com is here to stay," said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. "People just don't know it yet, but we will be aggressively marketing it until we crush out all competition as we always do. We at Microsoft felt this was a mutually beneficial arrangement, as little Live.com is provided a life of financial security and we at Microsoft are provided a lifetime of advertising."

Ballmer was later seen salivating at the prospect that Live.com would become someone famous, an actress, sports star, or news anchor, though he was notable concerned that she would end up being spoiled by the money and turn into a lifetime of black eyes for Microsoft a la Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan.

The New Jersey couple, who make a modest living already selling fuzzy animal head golf club covers out of their apartment, felt the money generated from the naming rights of their child would open up many opportunities in the course of her life.

"She'll be the coolest kid in school when her dad drops her off in his brand new Porsche," said Brad Collins, the proud father and executor of Live.com's fortune until she reaches her eighteenth birthday. "Not to mention the big flat screen plasma TV that will be in our living room and the pool table in the basement. She's gonna love that stuff."

Mr. Collins also later mentioned, after showing us his new hot tube, that the money could also be used to help Live.com attend a local community college, if it were reasonably priced.

Other companies, most notably GoldenPalace.com (which has in the past paid someone to tattoo GoldenPalace.com on their head and had a newly discovered species of monkey named after their website) have taken notice and are already making offers to cash strapped parents all across the United States for their children's naming rightsone">


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Comments

1. by Andy on 6/20/2008 2:56:56 AM
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