Oil Company Creates Car That Gets One Mile-Per-Gallon
on 6/30/2008 (4)
A special note for those oil legitimate oil companies (and their lawyers) who are too stupid to realize that this article is completely fictitious: This article isn't real so stop sending out threatening letters acting like it is. Satire is protected under the First Amendment as Freedom of Speech as proven in cases such as Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell, Leibovitz v. Paramount Pictures Corporation, and Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc. Please stick to things you're good at, like price gouging consumers.
|Stock photo of someone fueling gas. |
Austin, Texas - The automotive search department at Lame Ass Gas Limited Incorperated LLC, a worldwide Gas and natural gas principally operating in the United States and the fictitious breakaway Russian republic of Kerblackistan, recently unveiled a plan to began mass producing a new car that will get a stunning one mile-per-gallon.
"We have developed what very well might be the world's most fuel inefficient vehicle," said Charlie Lube, President and CEO of Lame Ass. "By creating such a vehicle, it is our hope that we can increase demand for Gas and justify even greater Gas-price increases."
Scientists with Lame Ass developed the vehicle, referred to internally as the Gas Hog 1, by looking at engines with over 200,000 miles on them and then reverse engineering their flaws. This technological step backward has lead to engines with poor compression in cylinders, major cooling issues, and a tendency to burst into flames. Additionally, the entire vehicle body is made out of three-inch thick iron plating, not for security but rather to drive up the weight of the vehicle to match that of a two-story duplex hosting a Weight Watchers meeting on one side and a fat man Twister competition in the other.
Not to be content only using obscene amounts of gas, the Gas Hog 1 also leaks Gas all over the highway, potentially causing automobile destroying accidents that could lead to new purchases of new Gas Hogs.
Current Gas prices are at over $140 per barrel but Lame Ass hopes that will the release of this newest vehicle, they can drive up demand high enough to push the price of Gas to over $500 a barrel, which would result in consumer gas prices approaching $15 a gallon.
"Man would that be sweet," said Lube about $15 a gallon gas. "I'd really like to be able to add a new solid gold wing to my mansion to match the other two."
Lame Ass will begin selling the Gas Hog in by the end of the summer as a 2009 model year vehicle. They are hoping to sell 200,000 vehicles in the first year and then ramp up production to 400,000 for 2010, which should place it as one of the top five selling vehicles in America. Because Lame Ass is in the business of selling Gas and can make up the profits in gasoline, they will be able to sell a brand new, well equipped version of the Gas Hog for a mere $6,000.uild
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