FOX Network Says Screw It, Decides To Start Airing XXX Adult Material
on 7/13/2008 (0)
HOLLYWOOD - FOX broadcasting executives, after a heated, cursory top-level pow-wow, unanimously decided to "pull out all stops and start airing pure adult porn" in response to flagging ratings precipitated by fierce competition with adult Internet, cable and satellite subscriptions, and DVD and VCR purchases and rentals.
|"Peter, I'm not sure where this conversation is going, but I'm guessing it has something to do with me going to the moon in your ass." |
FOX exec Norman Bane explains:
"Oh hell, screw it. We already got freaking cartoon characters giving blow jobs and having intercourse on TV with Family Guy and American Dad, and featured adultery and prostitution on Maury, so we figured, why not just follow nature's course, cut the bull crap, and pull out all the stops? Hungry? Why wait! That's what I say!"
Bane described FOX's new sitcom concept starring popular porn stars Briana Banks, Jenna Jameson and Ducky Doolittle in a three way free-for-all rumpus titled Trading Asses and an amature wife swapping reality series hosted by Ron Jeremy dubbed Meet your new mommy...literally!
"It's not that we want to do it, it's just that we have to do it. How can free TV compete with free online porn? It's a no brainer, and furthermore, sexually intense media is the wave of the future, and is the way America is going, right? The way we see it, as a democracy progresses and refines, porn comes along with the package. It's all first amendment, and how can that possibly be bad? Our mind is made up, the deal is signed."
Oddly, no one at FOX seems to have consulted, acknowledged or even remotely mentioned "FCC" or that wholesome minded mega sponsors like Campbell's Soup with their big advertising dollars aren't keen on having "any canned tomatoes on their label except their own.
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