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Johnny Unitas Returns from the Dead, Wishes to Resume NFL Career
by Kris on 8/3/2008 (0)

Artist rendition of Zombie Unitas.
San Diego, California - Longtime NFL quarterback Johnny Unitas has recently risen from the dead and seeks to continue his NFL career.

Unitas, who has been dead since 2002, was the quarterback of the Baltimore Colts from 1956 through 1972 and ended his career with a brief stint with the San Diego Chargers in 1973. He is widely considered one of the greatest players in this history of professional football.

The San Diego Chargers still retain rights to Unitas for the next two years at a rate of $600 a year.

"Despite being dead for nearly six years, I still feel like I can not only play but start in this league," said Zombie Unitas at a press conference earlier today.

The Chargers are currently quarterbacked by Philip Rivers, a young but improving quarterback coming off a solid 2007 season. Zombie Unitas has expressed his desire to start for the team and the Chargers seem unlikely to demote Rivers to accommodate an unproven zombie.

"Can a zombie really lead a team?" questioned Charger's head coach Norv Turner. "Personally I'm more than a little worried that he'll turn on us and start eating our brains."

Despite Zombie Unitas's assurances that he would not eat their brains, it seems unlikely that Zombie Unitas will play another down for the Chargers. The team is currently speaking with a number of interested teams about trade possibilities. It is rumored they are seeking either a second round draft pick and a non-zombie player in return.

The Baltimore Ravens seem like they might be the most likely destination, as they are currently questionable at quarterback and it is the city Unitas spent the majority of his professional career in. In addition, Baltimore is known as one of the most zombie friendly cities in America, behind only New Orleans, Louisiana, and Detroit Michigan.

Charger's General Manager A.J. Smith hopes to have the situation with Zombie Unitas resolved by the middle of next week. If no trade can be reached, it is possible they will release Zombie Unitas, enabling him to sign with whichever team he chooses.

If Zombie Unitas does play, he will be the first zombie player in NFL history. It was rumored for many years that first-round bust Ryan Leaf might be a zombie, but it turned out that he was just really, really bad. Ironically Leaf also played for the Chargers.go.ph/tds/go.php?si


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