Peter Gammons: Vampire Hunter
on 3/31/2003 (6)
Peter Gammons is a highly respected Major League Baseball journalist. Besides his talented writing in sports publications, he serves as a studio analyst on ESPN's Baseball Tonight and conducts a segment known as Diamond Notes on SportsCenter. Most of this is common knowledge to many sports fans. What isn't known to many is Peter Gammons' alternate career, keeping America's streets free of Vampires.
|He may look old, but that doesn't mean he can't kick some serious Vampire butt. |
"Few people realize it, but the movie and later the television program Buffy the Vampire Slayer is actually based off of my real life adventures," commented Peter Gammons. "The movie Tremors is also based off my life, but that's a whole different can of worms."
Vampire hunting has long ran in the Gammons' family. This tradition began in the middle ages in the little known town of Transylvania. Here the first in the long line of Gammons' Vampire hunters put an end to the notorious Count Dracula's rein of terror. Over the years, as the number of vampires in Transylvania declined sharply, mostly due to the acts of the Gammons' family and a tough bout with whooping cough... but mostly because of the Gammonses, coupled with a tough bout of whooping cough. Anti-Vampire Hunting protesters became very angry with these attacks by the Gammonses on the Vampires, who were now placed on the endangered species list, and drove the Gammonses out of Transylvania forever. Ted Gammons, eldest of the Gammons, decided to move his family to America, a land where they would no longer face the vengeful wrath of the people of Transylvania and would be free to hunt Vampires all they wanted... and they thought the whole Democracy thing was pretty slick too.
"It was a tough decision for my great, great grandfather to make," commented Peter Gammons. "He had to leave behind everything he grown up with, everything he had ever known, and a bright future full of poverty and death. In hindsight, be probably should have taken his money and possessions with him when he left, but you don't always think of those kinds of things when you are running from an angry mob with intentions to stone you to death."
When the Gammonses arrived in America, they vowed not to let a repeat of the occurrences that transpired in Transylvania to occur again. Thus they decided not to be exclusively Vampire hunters but instead to only perform such duties in their spare time and take on a different career path.
|Thankfully Peter has saved us from the likes of this. |
"Fortunately for our family, the baseball industry and Vampire hunting are surprisingly similar," claims Peter Gammons. "Both have bats and both can only end when your opponent is lying dead with a stake thru their heart. Also Vampires suck blood out of their victims and professional baseball players suck money out of the owners and fans."
Since their early days in America, the Gammons, much like lions to small children, have gravitated to baseball. To this day, Peter Gammons holds up this tradition well, but he never forgets his roots.
"In my family, tradition is important," he says. "I've never forgotten my Vampire hunting ways. I make su
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