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Fountains Are a Great Source of Cash
by Dr. Quickbucks on 9/1/2008 (0)

It's as good as free!
Hello friends! Today's society is a hard place to live with exploding gas prices, skyrocketing food costs, plummeting home values, and soaring unemployment. But fear not, I'm here to tell you about a wonderful new method to increase your income guaranteed.

There are many ways to get money. You can work for it, you can invest on things, you can rob a bank, and you can collect on a dead relative's will. But all of these involve effort and uncertainty, two things you probably don't have. I will now tell you a method that takes neither.

Every day, Americans throw nearly $4 million in fountains in hopes of fulfilling their demented wishes of fame, fortune, and the occasional Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Why should this money just still wasting away in fountains when it can be in your pocket paying your bills?

The best time to get money from a fountain is in the dead of the night. Not because it is illegal or shameful or punishable with threats of castration, but because the light of your underwater flashlight will shine off the coins and make them easy to find. Plus you look good dress all in black. And because you don't want to be arrested and enjoy having sex!

A top rated business magazine proclaimed our patented "Fountain Diving" technique to be "legally questionable but financially awesome". A well know financial adviser said "there is good money to be had if you don't mind the jail time". A popular business television program asked us to quit stalking their host! With analysis like this, you'd be a moron not to take money from fountains.

"Before I took money from fountains, I was living in a box in an alley," said homeless man John Bubo. "Now I still live in that same box, but I don't care because I can afford to be drunk all day long!"

In order to get started fountain diving, you will need a few supplies. Goggles, snorkel, underwater flashlight, and some kind of bag for your loot are necessary. You may also want to invest in flippers, which can speed the money collection process, and a taser, which can incapacitate anyone that may try to hinder your efforts. Make sure that if you do use a taser on a fellow fountain diver that you remove them from the water unless you enjoy being the subject of a murder investigation.

Now that you know all the details of fountain diving and how rich you will become (really rich), all that is left to do is buy our book, "Fountain Diving, Getting Rich, And You" for just $39.95! You must think we're crazy selling our book at such a low price! Well, if eating raccoons and making you rich makes us crazy, then call me Crazy McCrazypants! How amazing is that!"0" styl0" style


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