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Savory Steak Sandwich Nearly Kills Michigan Man
by Mark on 9/8/2008 (0)

That's one tough and chewy looking hombre!
E. LANSING - E. Lansing resident Kristopher Steele “nearly succumbed to an overzealous gorging on a totally primo, though rather chewy Philly Steak Sub” early Friday.

“T-That damn steak sub nearly killed me.” Croaked Steele from his Detroit hospital bed “But it was almost worth it…almost…”

Steele described his attempt at building “The Perfect Philly Steak and Swiss Sub” by buying fresh beef, green peppers, imported Emmanthaler Swiss and a fresh French Baguette from a local craft baker. “My goal was nothing less than toothsome steakish perfection.” Beamed Steele “The big mistake I made was buying Round Steak instead of Sirloin or New York Strip, and that’s where things went sour. I mean, who can afford Sirloin or Strip these days? I bought the Round on sale for 2.99 a pound, and figured I’d slice it real thin, but it didn’t turn out that way.”

Steele recounted chomping ravenous mouthfuls of the freshet sub, and being unable to chaw through a stringy piece of fatty connecting tissue from the el cheapo Round Steak, which rendered it impossible to swallow. Incredibly, driven on by the sub's nonetheless most primo savory flavor, Steele took 3 more gulping bites in quick succession, clogging his throat with tough beef, peppers and cheese, which then dangled down his esophagus like a yo-yo on a string.

“Once it blocked my trachea, I thought I’d had it. Luckily the whole mass stayed connected by the tough and stringy Round Steak, and I was able to pull it out whole, like a gopher outta a Condor. Pretty sick, yeah.”

When asked if he would consider buying more tender beef, such as Sirloin, in the future to mitigate a future choking peril, Steele tossed off a Frenchman’s wave and pshawed “Naw, I’m too cheap for that. I’ll just buy Round Steak again and slice it even thinner next time!”?si/tds/go.php?sid=1" w


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