Who is that Guy that Corrects Spelling and Grammar Online?
on 10/1/2008 (2)
We've all seen it before… like a young Shakespeare, you spend several minutes painstakingly crafting a reply to a story or forum topic. The content of your text is good and true and will surely sway all others to your way of thought or teach them something so profound it will change their lives forever. You refresh the page incessantly for twenty minutes or more, waiting for that first reply.
|A real-life "Comic Book Guy" |
Much to your horror, the first reply is something along the lines of "you misspelled referral" or "you used desert when you should have used dessert" or "way to end a sentence with a prepositional phrase jack off".
At this point, the content of your reply is ruined. Subsequent posts will pile upon your carelessness.
OMG, Your speling and grammer suck! What kind of horrible person would point out your mistake so joyously and destroy an otherwise worthwhile line of thought?
Dude, learn to spell.
If I had a hammer, I would ask you to hold it while I pound your face in with a shovel.
Harold Grimes at the Nation Association of Dumb Statistics (NADS) has spent the past five years of his life studying just this phenomenon, speaking to Internet users, going through the trash of Internet users, and secretly spying in the windows of Internet users.
"These people are bitter and have little to no joy in their lives," said Grimes. "They have struggled finding a place in society and have chosen instead to lash out against others in the most petty of ways."
NADS discovered that most of these people are males between the ages of 30 to 40, live in their parents' basements, haven't had a girlfriend in several years, have either no job or no job they would ever admit to having, and watch more than three times as much porn as the normal adult. Many of them also voted for Ralph Nader in the 2004 Presidential Elections.
What makes a man turn to such a horrific life?
"There is no clear cut reason that someone turns into such an awful human being," Grimes told Smooth Operator. "Some of it has to do with their family life, some is because of love lost, and others has to do with being doused with pig's blood at a school dance after being tricked by a cute boy. In many instances, it's a combination of all three."
So next time you post something and get a reply from the dreaded grammar police, don't get too angry or too down on yourself. Take solace in knowing that you have provided a small amount of joy to the life of someone that has nothing else. If not for your error, their lives would be empty and meaningless.
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