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Fight Back Against Mother Earth on Reverse Earth Day
by Kris on 10/28/2008 (0)

Throw that garbage into the river... you know you want to!
Cubetown, Maine - Mother Earth is a cruel mistress, some might even say huge bitch. She attacks us with earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, Kathy Griffin, and numerous other natural disasters. And yet we continually strive to protect her for generations to come for reasons that no one knows or could possibly ever comprehend. Certainly you can't treat her bad all year round, as that would quickly leave the environment we live in an uninhabitable mess (see Detroit, Michigan). But one day a year, you can fight back against the planet. That day of course is October 29th, better known as Reverse Earth Day.

Instead of separating your recyclables and bringing them to your local recycling center, throw them away with the rest of your trash. Or better yet, throw all your trash into the nearest lake, river, stream, or ocean. Need to change the oil in your car? Splash the old oil on some unsuspecting birds or pour it into a hole in a tree where a squirrel lives. Bought some new shoes? Douse the old ones in gasoline and light them on fire. While you're at it, burn a couple tires too! Instead of biking to work, drive your SUV and pull your boat! These actions and many more environmentally harmful ones are all in the spirit of Reverse Earth Day.

Reverse Earth Day was created in 1997 by Gary Shore as a means of retribution toward Earth. Gary's mother was killed in an earthquake, his father killed by a typhoon, his sister by a landslide, and his wife by childhood obesity. Needless to say, Gary has much vengeance to take out upon Earth and founded Reverse Earth Day to do just that.

"Despite all the love we show her, Mother Earth continues to try and destroy us and everything we hold dear," Shore spoke at a rally of dozens earlier today in the Cubetown, Maine Chuck E. Cheese parking lot. "Reverse Earth Day is the day all humans nationwide must raise their middle fingers to Earth and proudly proclaim 'Fuck you Earth!’"

The first Reverse Earth Day in 1997 had seven participants, two of which ironically have since been killed in a flood and a rather unlikely pastry accident (caused by a hurricane). The number of participants has more than doubled each subsequent year. For 2008, it is expected that the number of people celebrating what has been dubbed by many as the "worst Holiday ever" and "an abomination upon all mankind" may reach as high as 8,104 and do enough damage to scar the Earth for decades to come.0" he


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