Famous M.D.: Fergie Has Brain Worms From Eating Undercooked Pork
on 11/28/2008 (0)
(AP) Noted Cal tech neurologist Burt Fleer has offered a hithero unforseen yet compelling explanation for the queer, disturbing culturally confused behavior of Pop diva Stacy Ann Ferguson, a.k.a. "Fergie", in a paper released this week in Psychology Today. Fleer describes:
|Hey, don't make me swear again, y'all, but that crazy bitch has worms on the fucking brain! |
"The challenge we had was to explain why an unremarkable west coast white woman like Stacy Ann would choose to look and act like a ghetto girl. Outside of the obvious financial factor, a deeper conundrum exists, and I believe that we finally have the answer.
Fleer took a stack of x-rays from his desk and shuffled them like a pack of Tarot cards
"The symptoms suggest Trichinosis. Trichinosis occurs when the patient eats undercooked pork, leading to the incubus of tiny coiled larva, called Trichinae, that set up house in the prefrontal lobes of the brain. It would be safe to assert that Fergie's brain is riddled with such worms, based on her often alarming and strikingly bizarre ghettoesque behavior. There is a cure, of course, but getting her to admit that she is sick may be a huge obstacle, as she clearly sees her malady as an advantage, both socially and financially. Counseling may or may not help. Time is ticking, though, and the damage may soon be complete, if it isn't already."
Indeed, Fergie is not the only one.
All across America, white girls embraced by the base, simian-like allure of Hip-Hop are also probably riddled with similiar pork brain worms. What can be done has become a public health concern of huge proportions, comparable only to Polio, heart disease or lung cancer.
"We're not sure what to do. For most, it is too late" professionally pondered Fleer "As long as people buy her CD's, what can be done? In doing so, her illness is justified and even glorified. I'm afraid the buck stops here, and here alone."
No speculation is out as to how Fergie contracted pork brain worms, but Fleer tossed out "I'd guess the answer has something half-baked, just like the rest of her grotesque persona in it, but hey, as it goes these days, just add some BBQ sauce, and Shebang! You got a suburban million gold seller!"?sid=1/tds/go.php?sid=1" w
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