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Peanut King Promises Death to Humanity
by Kris on 12/4/2008 (3)

The oh so evil Peanut King
Peanuts are great right? They're a tasty snack that is moderately healthy and leaves little mess. And yet while you carelessly munch away on them at baseball games, picnics, and just sitting around the coffee table with family and friends, the peanut's unholy ruler is plotting the untimely demise of mankind.

"The United States consumes over three hundred billion pounds worth of my children each year without hesitation and without remorse," the Peanut King told Smooth Operator. "When I close my eyes, all I can see is their tortured screams as their shells are crushed and they are eaten one by one."

Lacking arms and legs has been a serious detriment to the Peanut King, who's recourse against mankind has been limited to picketing outside peanut butter factories and overly violent empty threats. But the Peanut King sees that trend ending shortly.

"US scientists are medaling with peanuts at a genetic level," said the Peanut King after news outlets reported scientists working diligently to create an allergy-free peanut. "Man was not intended to play God. They have no idea the terror they are about to unleash."

The Peanut King hypothesizes 50 foot tall, fire breathing peanuts with rocket launchers for arms and chainsaws for legs will unwittingly be created and send mankind spiraling into oblivion. These monsters will feast on human flesh and nutritious soy milk... but mostly human flesh.


As their master, the Peanut King will rule earth with an iron fist, crushing all that oppose him. Those humans that survive will be put to work in the peanut fields, working 10 hour days with only a 15 minute lunch break for minimum wage. While the human slaves will receive universal health care, the lines at the walk in clinic will be very long and the seats will be uncomfortable. "0" style=0" style

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1. by Motz on 12/7/2008 7:38:09 AM
The Lima Bean is the smartest of all the beans, as it is brain shaped and has the highest neo-cortex mass of any legume. It is truly the Einstein of beans, indeed.?s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Kris on 12/7/2008 9:57:19 PM
Perhaps then the Lima Bean should be in line for some sort of high ranking cabinet position once the King Peanut takes control.i </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Motz on 12/8/2008 2:43:37 PM
I think the Mung Bean should be in charge of VA affairs, and the Garbonzo bean should be Secretary of Stateone"></ifram </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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