Fat Man Drops a Bomb in Airport Bathroom, Panic Ensues
on 2/3/2009 (0)
Idiot, North Dakota Flights were delayed as much as five hours earlier today at Idiot International Airport after a large, fat man was overheard saying that he had just "dropped a bomb" while walking out of the men's room. Full-scale panic quickly ensued as hundreds of terrified travelers and airport employees fled the building.
The man, who police have been thus far unable to identify, was in his mid-30's, overweight, and dressed in business attire. Eyewitnesses that saw the man reported that he was very sweaty and red-faced, but looked somewhat relieved. He seemed to be in a quite a hurry to get out of the bathroom but strolled casually through the airport after exiting. There is some speculation that he may be a member of an Al-Qaeda cell working inside the United States or a disgruntled former Lehman Brothers employee (or both).
Bomb sniffing dogs were brought in to search the entire airport, including the bathroom the man claimed to have left the bomb in, but found nothing other than a foul stench and a midget stuffed in a trash can.
"If there was a bomb, he must have flushed it," Idiot police chief Norman Keys told reporters at a news conferences earlier today.
The police department is currently working closely with the Idiot Municipal Sewer Company in hopes of locating the bomb in the city's sewer system before an explosion causes thousands of toilets in the community to simultaneously overflow.
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