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Obama Stimulus Package Earmarks $1.6 Billion For Ailing Detroit Sports Teams
by Mark on 2/7/2009 (6)

Detroit, for you, the competition is over.

(AP) As the U.S. Senate worked feverishly on a rare Saturday session to pass President Barack Obama's controversial stimulus package, one rider seems certain to pass with rare and true bipartisan support and is sure to be ratified when the package proper is put to the vote early Tuesday.

"One thing that we all can agree on is the languishing, wretched state of Detroit's sports teams." Lamented Senate minority leader Republican Mitch McConnell, "We cannot allow a football team to go 0-16 again in America. What kind of message does this send to our citizens at home and our friends and foes alike abroad? We easily agreed that no less than 1.2 billion dollars will be earmarked for a total rebuild of the Detroit Lions, including coaching staff, ownership, new stadium, uniforms and media relations."

McConnel took a vintage 1968 Tiger's Denny McClain Topps card from his desk, tore it in half, and tossed it into a nearby garbage tin

"A lesser sum is being divvied up to add pitching and batting coaching and staff and a new bullpen for the dismal Detroit Tigers, and a new forward and guard for the aging Pistons. This is a matter of national pride, and we all seem to be thinking alike on the matter."

When prodded if the money could be better spent on Detroit's infrastructure and public schooling, McConnell wryly offered "That's all part of the big picture. On one hand, if you fix up an ailing cities sports clubs, you instill pride in that city and that city tends to fix itself, but on the other hand a risk does exist, as illustrated by the fact that the Detroit Redwings are in first place and no one really pays attention or even seems to care. With Detroit sports, though, we all agree it's just like a really, really crappy lawn that's filled with nothing but weeds. Your only recourse is to kill off the whole damn thing, plant new seed and start over."h=0" hei

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1. by Kris on 2/8/2009 8:05:40 AM
Hey now, come on... people care a lot about the Red Wings.?s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Motz on 2/8/2009 8:46:40 AM
Black folks don't like Hockey or NASCAR, for obvious reasons, and Detroit is like, 92 percent black, so do the math.

0-16? 0-16?

WTF was THAT?!h="0 </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Kris on 2/10/2009 10:55:08 AM
You're just talking inner-city though, there are lots of Burbs around Detroit with white, hockey loving fans (around the whole state for that matter).

0-16 was caused by an owner with his head so far up his ass that he didn't realize he had the worst GM in the league who was completely unqualified for the job and then he gave him a 5 year extension. The team was so devoid of talent, it doesn't matter who was coaching it, they were lost.

Though to be fair, we did really should have beat the Vikings the first time we played if not for a horrible pass interferance call on 3rd and 20 that put the Vikings in field goal range and let them run out the clock before kicking the game winner. Not to mention there was a helmet to helmet no-call by Darren Sharper (Vikings safety) that not only caused Calvin Johnson to fumble (when we were easily in field goal range) but also knocked him out for much of the second half of the game.

So not only do you have to be terrible to go 0-16, you need some help from the refs too.n </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Motz on 2/11/2009 8:08:54 AM
yeah, blame the refs...yep...

............................yupgo </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by Kris on 2/12/2009 9:59:07 AM
I didn't blame them for everything, just one of the 16 </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by tahoejoe on 2/26/2009 6:20:21 PM
Why should you get any money?????? Your town sucks...its a getto....but
thanks for putting YOUR office...wheres my block of cheese?t </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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