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Americans Ecstatic About $10 a Week Stimulus
by Kris on 2/27/2009 (2)

A world of opportunity awaits!
Hold onto your horses America, the downward spiral of economic decline is about to end this March as $10 makes its way into our weekly paychecks. As part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, $400 will be split up as tax breaks throughout the remainder of 2009.

Not surprisingly, most Americans are giddy with glee about the extra fattening of their wallets.

"I think I might try out that new burger joint on Fourth Street," said Cleveland Ohio native Paul Anderson. After losing his job late in 2008, Anderson also lost his home to foreclosure. "It's not steady work, which is really what I would like, but sometimes a burger really hits the spot."

Thousands of others who experienced similar hardships are equally excited and optimistic, putting aside the fact that many have lost everything they have worked their entire lives to attain.

"Instead of bowling two games, I can bowl three again," said one man.

"I'll use this money to take my wife out to eat at a fancy fast food restaurant... you know, the ones with the cardboard crowns and maybe even some balloons," said another.

Analysts are already predicting the increased consumer spending on fast food, bowling, alcohol, and various other impulse buys, which were previously reserved for only the upper-class of American society, will quickly jolt the economy back to life and usher in an era of unbridled growth and prosperity.

As for me, I'll be doing my part to help the economy by purchasing pepperoni pizzas, six-packs of Bud Light, and that shiny new coffee mug I've had my eye on. isplay:none">

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1. by Bryndon on 2/27/2009 3:35:23 PM
Oh my gosh. You could buy a novelty red paper clip and then trade it for a lemur and then trade it for a slightly bigger lemur and then trade it for two lemurs, until you had enough lemurs to trade with China for a better economy. Or you could get a box to keep all your lemurs in and use them to breed a newer more economic lemur.

Dammit, I wanna a lemur :( </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by MOtz on 2/27/2009 6:03:14 PM
Obama is a magic darkie negroe. He is equipped to fix everything. (big shrug)uil </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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