Pope Defeats Bowser, Saves Princess
on 5/15/2009 (1)
Since receiving an original Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) two years ago as a gift during a trip to America, Pope Benedict XVI has been spending much of his down time during his travels working feverishly to save the Mushroom Kingdom from the evil King Koopa.
King Koopa, also known as Bowser, has trapped the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom inside blocks and captured their Princess. Upon learning of their plight, the Pope is said to have openly wept for days.
"I pray for a future in which the peoples of the Mushroom Kingdom can live together in peace and harmony without entrapment in blocks by a tyrannical dragon," the Pope told a confused crowd only a year ago.
The journey to save the Mushroom Kingdom was long and difficult and full of many challenges that caused the Pope to question his very faith.
"When I completed World 1-4 and found out that the Princess was in another castle, I wasn't sure I could carry one," he said. "It was hard to believe God could be that cruel."
Perhaps fittingly, the Pope was visiting Jerusalem this week when he finally finished the game and saved the Princess. Reportedly the Pope completed worlds one through four before warping to world eight. In a moment of glory to which future religious volumes will likely recall, the Pope was able to avoid Bowser's hammers, run underneath him as he leapt into the air for no reason at all, and destroy the bridge upon which King Koop stood, causing him to fall into the lava below.
"The bitter fruits of evil and hostility can be overcome and a future of justice, peace, prosperity and co-operation can arise," the Pope said of his glorious accomplishment and subsequent freedom of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Pope Benedict will not rest long though after his difficult journey. Senior church officials have notified him of another plight, the Prince of Darkness Gannon has taken over the world of Hyrule and taken the Princess Zelda hostage...
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