North Korea Threatens World Peace with Zombies
on 6/1/2009 (0)
United States Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates said Monday that North Korea may be preparing to unleash an army of zombies that would theoretically be capable of reaching Alaska and Hawaii as well as American military targets in Japan and Guam. Eventually a mass proliferation of these zombies would engulf then entire world.
"We have seen some signs that they may be doing something with zombies, but at this point it's not clear what, besides evil, their intensions are," Gates said. While some pessimists felt North Korea could be using zombie research for good, such as curing illnesses or teaching them to read or starring in a funny sitcom slated to run on NBC this coming fall, Gates was quick to dismiss that idea. "You're an idiot," he said.
Zombies eat brains and people have brains, thus making zombies a threat to all people. While the initial intent may be to harness the zombies to attack enemies of North Korea, it is unlikely the zombies can be controlled and soon they will turn on their masters and any other living creatures they come in contact with.
"The end effect would be a lot like the movie Weekend at Bernie's except that instead of having a dead guy waterskiing, you'd have living dead creatures devouring the living on an epic scale," said zombie expert Ralph Jones. "It would be the most horrible thing you could possibly imagine, just like Weekend at Bernie's 2."
It is likely that this new threat of zombies from North Korea will force even tougher sanctions from the United Nations onto a country that clearly does not care if it has tougher sanctions placed upon it.
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