We Ask, America Answers! Part 1: Who, Or What, Is An Al Gore?
on 8/1/2009 (0)
Welcome to our first edition of "We ask, America Answers!", designed to dispel any popular misconceptions you might have of life in these here 50 states, all lower 48 included! Today, we asked America who, or what, is an Al Gore, and got these compelling answers. Read on!
Hans Krebbs, mathematician: "Al Gore is an indefinite integral without upper and lowers limits, suspended in a temporal 4 dimensional space time matrix where matter exists in motion only at the subatomic level, and can only be described as pure quantum flux, although without the Quarks...for whatever Al is or isn't, he is not a Quark."
Tony Mazzoni, pizza chef: "The Al Gore is a triple cheese stuffed crust XXX-large with double pepperoni-prosciutto-pepperocini-portabello-provolone toppings and a side order of calamari and calzones. Whatsamattafoyou with the calzones, Al, hey!"
'Ranger Rick' Kozlowski, Butte, Montana, forest ranger: "Al Gore is a rickety, teetering assemblage of sticky black asphalt, pine pitch, bird spittle, hickory nuts, fluffy milkweed down and those little spinney whirligig maple seed thinger-bobs. Al is very dry and flammable in the warm season, so remember that, kids!"
Sally Storm, vulcanologist: "Al is an extrusive igneous, glassy Gabbro concretion with notable interior dendrites and remarkable exterior leafy philo-dough like crystallization planes. Al cleaves easily along Basal lattice lines, and touts a Mohs hardness index of 7.5...yup, big 7.5!"
Jeff Woonch, high school freshman: "Al Gore is like...old. Dusty farts old..."
Victor Hugo, man of letters: "Al Gore is a titanic maelstrom, a juggernaut of profound yet sublime forces, not to be engaged, impossible to avoid, the swirling, seething tempest of a millennia of simmering discontent, the mouthpiece of millions, the heart of yet one...Al Gore lives, you fools...yes, yes! He lives!"
Kris Steele, Oklahoma State Representative: "I like Al Gore. I think he's pretty cool."
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