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Woman Lost in Parking Ramp for Four Days Found Alive
by Kris on 3/4/2010 (3)

"Hello... anyone else here? I'm so cold... help!"
Cleveland, Ohio - After four days of struggle, confusion, and a lot of stair climbing, long-time widow and part-time Walgreen's cashier Mary Barns was found alive by the Cleveland police department. She was dehydrated, hungry, and a Republican but otherwise okay after being lost in a downtown parking ramp since Monday.

"I must have gotten off the elevator on the wrong floor and from there things deteriorated very quickly," Mary told police.

Mary spent the next four days searching for either her car or an exit from the parking ramp. She wandering the eight level ramp, trying stairwell and elevator after stairwell and elevator but was unable to find her way out.

"Finding my car became secondary," said Mary. "I just wanted to get out, to see the light of day again, to hear the sweet whisper of a vagrant asking for spare change, to feel the push of a petty thief as he knocked me to the ground and fleed with my purse."

In order to survive the ordeal, Mary fed on rats, which she caught by making a trap out of a car antennae and a shoelace, and drinking water that dripped from the ceilings on the upper levels. She spent the cold nights sleeping in unlocked cars.

Friends of Mary reported her missing after she failed to show for their weekly book discussion and follow-up game of Yahtzee. Searches of Mary's home revealed her car to be missing but little other evidence as to her whereabouts.

"Mary was always timely and she never missed anything without calling to let you know why," said longtime friend and fellow Winger fanatic Barbra Jones. "We all feared the worst... mauled by bears or kidnapped by Libyan Nationalists."

Two days later several calls came into the Cleveland Police Department describing a confused woman matching Mary's description that was wandering the parking ramp while chewing on dead rats. Two days after that, police searched the ramp and found Mary. Her car was also found, though the lights were left on and the battery was dead.

"I'm just thankful to survive this ordeal," said Mary. "And from now on, I'll only be parking at street level."

Brian Company, owners of the parking ramp in which Mary was lost, admitted that labeling the floors with a long dead Navaho numbering scheme could be seen as confusing but denied any rat infestation problems in this ramp or any of the other three ramps they own.

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1. by Motz on 3/7/2010 8:24:30 PM
I actually did get lost on a parking ramp once.

I was at the Cleveland Clinic, and there 3 or 4 garages with 8 floors, and I looked for an hour and couldn't find my car. I gave up and went to a restaurant and had dinner, and let it get dark. After the clinic closed, the cars all left, and I found my classic 92' Chevette on the 6th floor of the thrid building.

Pretty shaky. White boy like me can get jacked up down there at night.ispla </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by Motz on 3/7/2010 8:29:25 PM
And yes, I'm proud to announce that Ohio is the most Republican state in the Union, rating number 50 out of 50 in giving Obama low marks (32 percent for, 68 against, and it's really no surprise.

We Ohio folk want jobs, not handouts. Leave the handouts for Detroit, Miama and Gary, Indiana.nemo </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by Kris on 3/8/2010 9:06:06 AM
This article was inspired by the fact that I helped a lady in the parking ramp at work that got off on the wrong floor and couldn't figure out how to get out (our ramp only has exits on the first and third floors and both exits are on different sides of the ramp). It wasn't the first time I've seen anyone else stuck in there too.

Ramps make me a bit nervious too, but ussually I'm gone by 4 or 5 while they are still pretty full of cars. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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