New All Brains Diet All the Rage
on 3/19/2010 (0)
Blue Napsack, New Hampshire - Dr Ziggy Plate of the New Hampshire-based diet think-tank "Go Diet" has been working for years to develop a diet more effect than Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach, and every other dieting fad that has swept across the nation. Ironically enough, he discovered the diet that may crush all other diets while watching horror movies with his son late one night.
"We spent the night watching a zombie marathon and I couldn't help but noticed how thin all the zombies where," Dr. Plate told Smooth Operator. "It got me thinking about why they were thin. Obviously, it's because of all the brains they eat."
Zombies typically eat human brains, which is a meal that would be illegal in 49 of the United States. Luckily for those of us who live outside of Maine, brains of most animals have similar dietary composition to their human counterparts.
"Cow, duck, squirrel, tiger, it really doesn't matter what type of brain you eat," said Dr. Plate. "All brains are great for you!"
The science of why brains make for a great diet food is confusing and contradicts itself, but the results of those on the diet cannot be ignored. In a trial group of 50 dieters over a month long period, 29 lost 10 pounds, 16 lost 20 pounds, and 4 lost over 100 pounds! Only one person gained weight, but he was a jerk and scientists intentionally replaced his brains with glazed hams in hopes of causing cardiac arrest (and they did!).
"Several people in the study simply could not stomach eating brains," boasted Dr. Plate. "Those were the people that lost the most weight."
Dr. Plate is currently putting the finishing touches on his diet book "Brains, Brains, and more Brains: How to Lose Weight by Eating Brains" and will be appear on several high profile public access talk shows over the next several months.
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