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'Back in 5 Minutes' Sign Deemed Equivalent To 'Gone to Take a Shit'
by Mark on 7/14/2010 (1) 
 | | Oh, please! | |
The National Bureau of Weights and Standards has officially declared the ubiquitous, hastily scribbled with a number 2 pencil "back in 5 minutes" sign taped to door fronts and windows as equivalent in context to “gone to take a shit" NBWS spokesman Chum Wheatley explains:
”I think that it has become a safe assertion that anyone who has ever taped a 'back in 5 minutes sign' to a locked front door really went for a potty break, probably a poop." sugar coated Wheatley "It is equally likely that when someone warns you ‘don’t come over here’, they most likely have broken wind, just as covering one's mouth and reeling backwards indicates self percieved bad breath. Sniffing one's fingers is also attributed to an attempt to detect traces of fecal material from a bad wipe or perhaps a behind the ear scratch, and sniffing at one's underarms also indicates an attempt to detect specious body odors."
When asked if all of these signs and symbols may one day help to enrich mankind's communications tool kit, Wheatley chortled "Oh, hell no. It merely means we’re one mighty stinky crapping species, that's a given for sure. It is also of interest that women are far less likely to suspend the 5 minute sign than men. It appears the gals would rather keep their stinky habits a bit more discrete, so keep that in mind next time you smell your middle finger at a fish fry dinner, for sure!”
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