Astronomer: Universe Askew Because Eminem Won't Stop Acting Black
on 9/6/2010 (14)
|Culture Morph: Eminem, 1954, minus tattoos, Vicodin and negrophonic elements. |
TASS - Noted Russian Astronomer Ivana Andropova recently presented a new theorem linking "perturbation in the planets and stars due to the Rap icon Eminem's seeming inability to stop play pretending he's a black guy." Andropova explains:
"We have measured an odd Neutrino flux that occurs whenever Mr. Eminem holds a concert. It is not unlike a solar storm but encompasses more of the known areas of space. My comrades attribute these anomalies to Mr. Eminem's unconvincing and often somewhat sappy attempts to act like a black man. It would seem that the Universe itself is rebelling against this vulgar and nauseating contradiction, yet the people of America do not. Quite the conundrum."
Andropova paused to take a Soviet Era slide rule from her desk drawer and pondered thoughtfully
"We have also seen these alarming trends when Sarah Ferguson, a.k.a. "Fergie", Justin Beiber and Katy Perry perform as well. Almost without exception, whenever a misfit suburban white kid with low self esteem acts black, it somehow unseats nature itself. Very queer...very queer indeed."
Russian scientists immersed in scientific nomenclature are grappling to lend a name to the Eminem phenomena, but one such suggestion has been the opposite of a black hole, such as a white hole, or more specifically and accurately, American wannabee white-ass-hole, among notable others.
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