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Lonely Canadian Man Marries Local Maple Tree
by Mark on 11/7/2010 (0)

Arrooahhh! Try scoochin' a bit to the left, eh?
BEAVER DAM, ON - Beaver Dam resident Henre' Larouge recently "traded sacred vows" with a local Maple tree, located in his friend Josh Grogan's back yard. Larouge explained his seemingly bizarro commitment.

"It all started off quite innocently. I had just gotten divorced and was perfectly available, not to mention lonely, eh? I was walking in my friend Josh's back yard when I came across this gorgeous Maple tree with a beauty figure. When no one was around, I climbed up into her seductive, beckoning "Y", and everything went electricity and bells after that. It was love in the lumberyard, so to speak."

Henre' Larouge was not the only Canadian man to fall in love with vaugely feminine shaped inanimate objects. Local tales tell of lonely suitors falling for everything from bales of spring hay, discarded rolled up shag carpeting, to cylindrical lodge lounge pillows. Indeed, anything even remotely soft and mountable is fair game for randy canuck males, it would probably be safe to observe.

Larouge pondered his future with "Clarice", his pet name for his tree dreamily.

"Clarice and I have to plan a honeymoon, eh? Of course it will have to be right here, on account of her root system, and all. But I can accommodate. True love can overcome any obstacle."

Larouge admitted that a relationship with a tree lacks some of the same warmth and amenities of that with a human female, but adds "She never says no, never gains weight and already has all the rings she'll ever need."

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