Hank Hill selects running mate
on 6/27/2003 (2)
Under pressure from the Republican electoral committee, 2004 animated cartoon presidential candidate Hank Hill is being prodded to select a running mate. White House spokesman Ari Fleshier comments on the selection process.
|"Oh my god, it's so juicy!" |
"I must say I AM a bit befuddled on this whole business. After all, Hank is a cartoon character created by Mike Judge, so I suppose I should contact Mike concerning this matter, right? Hell, I love Hank Hill as much as the next guy on the street, but he's not REAL dammitt!"
A 31-inch monitor flashed to life behind Fleshier, Hank Hill appearing on the screen.
"I beg to differ, Mr. Fleshier. My name is Hank Hill, and I'm here to announce my running mate for the 2004 presidential ticket, yep!"
Hank cleared his throat, square-centered his glasses, and produced a list of names.
"I had considered many possibilities. I wanted Colin Powell, but Mike Judge pointed out to me that Colin is three-dimensional flesh and blood, and would be a bad choice. Three dimensional candidates sweat, have bloodshot eyes and yellow teeth, and America won't tolerate those weaknesses in their presidents, nowadays, I'll tell ya' what."
Fleshier slumped resignedly in his chair.
"Among my choices were the following: Homer Simpson's name came up several times. He has that endearing Gerald Ford clumsiness and thick headedness, but Groenig wanted residuals on every appearance, and that killed that one. Stan Marsh of South Park came up, but he's got that damn gay dog Sparky, and Family Guy Peter Griffin's name came up, but he's openly racist and he's got that freaky weird son Stewie...can you imagine him and Bobby goin' at it?"
Hank looked square forward in the monitor, and took a deep breath:
"After careful consideration, and about 12 Alamo beers in the alley with Dale, Bill and Boomhower, for the good of the nation, not to mention my marriage, America, my running mate in the 2004 election, is..."
Fleshier, covering his eyes with his hand, split two fingers and peered out:
Hank disappeared from the screen, and Peggy Hill popped up:
"Peggy Hill ! OH YEA!!"0"
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