Ten Steps to being Cool
on 6/30/2003 (10)
In today's society, being cool is all the rage. Some people naturally have it going on, but most do not. Fortunately now there is finally hope for those hipply challenged. Learn and practice these ten steps and soon you too will be on your way to total coolness.
1. Talk the talk - The first step to being cool is by talking cool. This will falsely lead people to the conclusion that you are, infact, cool no matter how uncool you actually are. Sprinkling your speech with various "cool" and "hip" words, such as G, homes, nacho supreme, and phat. Then add nonsensical adjectives to nouns that don't really need it. "That food was sparkling good" or "This robotastic movie is wicketty wack!" Now put the two together, like so: "That robotastic food was sparkling good homes" or "This robotastic movie is wicketty wack nacho supreme!" Now add in random "yo's" to your speech for no apparent reason: "Yo, this robotastic movie is wicketty wack yo, nacho supreme!" Remember these simple rules and you're half way to making people think you're cool.
2. Backwards cap - All the coolest people wear backwards baseball caps. Tom Cruise does. You think he's cool, right? RIGHT?!? Scientific studies have actually proven, scientifically, that wearing a hat backwards increases your "Cool Factor" by a factor of 10! You want a cool factor increase like that, don't you? DON'T YOU?!? Not only is this the cool thing to do, but it also is functional. Wearing a hat backwards prevents "Reverse Sunburn", which is the instance when the sun actually burns a hole through the back of your head! Sounds scary? It is. So wear the damn cap.
3. Watch TV - Watch lots of TV. As much as possible. Take notes on the cool people on TV. Learn from greats like "The Fonz", MacGyver, James Dean, James Bond, Rambo, and Mr. T. Learn their ways, their mannerisms, and learn how they think. Nothing is as cool as being able to start up a jukebox with just a hit on the side or being able to wipe out an army of foot soldiers with a rocket launcher made from two coconuts and a piece of string cheese. And besides the aforementioned reasons, nothing is a bigger hit at a party than busting out obscure Babylon 5 trivia!
4. The Pose - Every cool person has a pose or motion or look they give that says to the world, "Hey world, look at me, I'm really fricken cool." For those of you that aren't blessed with good looks or a nice bodies, a pose should be made that draws attention away from these flawed areas. This includes arm and hand motioning, snapping fingers, and other moves that say "Hey, I'm cool, but don't look at me because I am jam full of ugly". I offer, free of charge, the below poses for your use. Trust me, the ladies love these.
|Learn and use these poses and you too will soon be cool. |
6. The Tunes - No matter what anyone tells you, the 80's was the be all, end all decade for music. Any music from
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