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Survival of the fittest Automobile
by Mark on 7/3/2003 (0)

An asphalt Galapagos?
Hell hath no fury like Cranwood parkway. Cranwood parkway, Warrensville Heights, Ohio, is less of a road than the tortured terrain at the foot of Mount Vesuvius is. Potholes, -nay, gaping maw crevasses, dot the 1/2 mile long ancillary road like hand-hewed pass ways on the Ho-Chi Min trail.

Cranwood is a Galapagos island of sorts. Charles Darwin first observed the Origin of species on the Galapagos chain, and postulated the survival of the fittest species, or Evolution, by studying the rugged variety of animals and plants. Only the strongest survive on the Galapagos chain.

The same is true, kinda, for Cranwood and cars.

Only the rugged and well adapted survive a daily passage here.

The first to become extinct are the older cars. Broken tie rods, hubcaps, and suspension springs litter the berm like dinosaur bones in Arizona dinosaur nation monument. A 1988 Grand Marquis sits forlorn, abandoned, a testament to man's folly.

Other, newer cars are equally thinned from the herd. Chevy Cavaliers, KIA's, Hyundai's and Geo Metros survive the first 1/4 mile, only to be dashed to bits on the ensuing rocky cataclysm. Tow truck drivers wait like vultures, greedily fingering their dispatch microphones and charge card readers.

Only the strongest survive Cranwood. Hummers, Ford SUV's and Jeep Cherokees rumble unafraid across the lunar landscape with impunity. These massive T-rexes of the car world own Cranwood as the lion owns Africa.

A terrible adaptation has occurred. Only the owners of these rugged giants can make it to work everyday, churning under the less mechanically endowed. The bulwark of the productive workforce, the 20K a year silent suffering majority, are churned under, going the way of Rapid Transit and the Dodo bird.

The result?

The only ones left employed on Cranwood are nimrod Urban Cowboys, Army reservists, Lebron James and House moms.

Another terrible battle for survival is taking place in the lines at the restrooms in LaGuardia airport...

t0" sty


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