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Golfer has nose job, loses edge
by Mark on 7/21/2003 (0)

In a surgical vanity quest, pro champion golfer Jimmy "Skeeter" Phillips elected to downsize his ample proboscis, and, like Sampson with short hair, lost his strength.

Jimmy laments his fatefull decision:

"My wife said it was sexy and kept tellin' me to leave it alone. She said my big schnoz was as much as part of my character as my championship golf play. I shoulda' listened to her. But I kept seein' TV videos of my Cyrino de Bergerac standing at attention like the sinking Titanic, and I just couldn't bear it any longer."

Jimmy's now petite button nose has come with a price, however.

"I lost my game...I can't play par to save my life. If I can get a job in the caddy shack I'll consider myself fortunate."

When psychologists hinted that his "ugly" old nose was a source of sublime motivation, which may have driven him to excel in order to compensate for subconscious, deep rooted feelings of inferiority, Jimmy tossed a 9 iron into the rough and sneered:

"Uh, no...I used to align the tip of my honker on the pin, and I never even realized it. With the new nose, I can't aim anymore....It's like taking the sight off of a shotgun. If I had known about the consequences of getting it lopped off, I never would have went ahead with it."

Asked if he has benefitted in any way from the surgery, Jimmy beamed:

"Yea, I'm gettin' the big eye so often now, my wife is getting implants. I can only hope that there's not a jack-in-the-box in that chip shot either!"s


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