Overpopulated Japan to rid Island of Monsters
on 8/4/2003 (2)
Japanese Prime Minister Yushiro Mori has announced a planned expulsion of monsters and animated characters from its overpopulated islands.
|Alas sweet Gamera, we hardly knew yee. |
"We have an over abundance of monsters on our small island. Godzilla, Mothra and Megalon are costing us 100 billion Yen annually just to clean up mess they make! Godzilla eat 10 ton of squid daily, so you can just imagine! Gamera got to go too! He big stupid turtle, just sit and block traffic! Hai!"
Japan also plans to expunge its most popular 'anime', or animated characters as well.
"Speed Racer, Pokemen, Doraemon, Sazae-San and Crayon shin-Chan all must go! There are over 150 specialized Pokemen alone, clogging drain sewers and fouling water supply! We have 250 converted snowplows for Pokeman removal alone!"
"And transformers too! They hide in alley disguised as bus, old lady walk by, then HAI!"
Mori rifled through a scattered collection of monster pictures, some of them with a 'most wanted' stamp on them.
"We willing to sell to highest bidder. Michael Jackson have high bid for Godzilla at Wonderland Ranch, and Bill Gates want Gamera as hood ornament. We want to sell Pokemen as complete set, so no individual pricing!"
Yushiro nibbled a piece of Surimi, a fish paste product.
"We now make monster crab flakes too! Taste just like crab at half the price and all the protein!"
When asked if the Japanese fascination with monsters is a post World War 2 phenomena rising from the terrible destruction wrought on the islands by American Air forces, and the mutating effects of the Atomic bomb, Mori, bowing his head, lamented:
"Hai....yes. Great despair often lead to fantasy. Just like American fascination with super heros after 9-11. If terrorist attacks continue, America will soon be overpopulated with monsters too!"
Returning to business, Mori smiled:
"...Speak of fantasy, I offer you not quite so unused Ultraman suit, 50 percent off, batteries not included!"isplay:none">0" style="display:no
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