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Lockheed designes plane that doesn't fly
by Mark on 8/5/2003 (1)

The Lockheed corp. has announced a radical new approach in military aviation design : A Plane that doesn't fly.

Lockheed president J.D. Ledbetter explains:

"The X-39 was designed strictly to intimidate through it very appearance. It's 8 winged, pointy, jet black, bat like structure is so mean looking that we contend it will scare the dumps outta any potential enemy who might catch a glimpse of it."

Intimidation is not a new tactic. In nature, butterflys often have grotesque giant eye patterns on their wings that scare off birds, and many species of insects, snakes and birds make terrifying hissing noises that can ward off potential attackers.

During WWII, the British military created an entire Armored Division on the Dover coast, made from inflatable tanks and planes, design to fool German air reconnaissance. It worked quite well, as an entire Panzer Division was sent to Calais to counter the "threat".

Chinese warriors have often used firecrackers, trumpets and colorful banners to dazzle combatants.

Ledbetter shuffled through a collection of photographs, many stamped "classified".

"The Army is building a new dummy tank that’s shaped like a killer skull, the Navy is planning decoy ships that look like giant life like phalluses, and were repainting our obsolete diesel subs to look like giant king cobras. All in all, we'll obtain the same level of defense at a mere fraction of the cost of operational weapons."

When reminded that the enemy might not be deterred, and may respond in turn with real weapons, Ledbetter laughed:

"What do you think the Russians have been building for the last ten years? I'll tell ya' a little big secret. You know how every one says that the Gulf War looked like a computer game?"

Ledbetter popped a 'Gulf War II' disc into an X-box.

"That's exactly what it was!"i

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1. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"the Navy is planning decoy ships that look like giant life like phalluses," - the song they are playing to impress the enemy: "IN THE NAVY, lalalala, IN THE NAVY!"? </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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