Bill Gates grows tail
on 9/27/2003 (2)
It was an average morning on the shores of Lake Washington, outside of Seattle. Melinda Gates yawned and tossed her long auburn hair from her eyes, lifted the window blinds to greet the rising morning sun. Bill Gates sat at the edge of the bed, tossed his long auburn hair from his eyes, and fumbled his way into his slippers. Melinda eyed her multi-billionaire admiringly, her eyes tracing his inauspicious, preppy Ken-doll like form.
As she glowingly traced his lower back, her eyes suddenly froze in wide-eyed horror.
A similar scene described itself over 3 thousand miles away.
George W. Bush, after a night of Gimlet Martinis, pretzels and China-white, rubbed his throbbing head. His wife Laura, jostled awake, moaned softly.
"C-Chris sake, Lar, my head hurts extra bad today, in two places. That's the last time I stay up past midnight with the Cheney's. Do you know Dick tried to get me to do?"
Tossing a White House pillow to the floor, Laura Bush gently brushed her husbands hair. Her hand suddenly froze, as her fingers sheepishly outlined two protruding scaly bumps on his head.
Something odd was in the air.
Dr. Rakish Patel gingerly shuffled a stack of case study photos on his desk.
"Something very strange is happening the entire world over. We are getting alarming reports from America, England, China, Russia, India and the Middle East, the wealthy and heads of state are growing animal like appendages. It is happening all over, no boundaries seem to exist for this strange condition."
Patel produced a picture of Bill Gate's backside.
"You will notice, which for lack of any more accurate medical term, is a tail, plain and simple. George W. Bush has sprouted a set of horns to make a goat green with envy. Tony Blair has developed a set of 8 teats on his stomach, and reports from the Middle East claim that Yassir Arafats feet have turned into cloven hooves. Japanese Foreign Minister Yashiro Mori has sprouted a fully working set of gills, and Ariel Sharon has the nose of a Golden retriever."
Patel flipped through photos of Vladimir Putin with a shaggy mane, Al Sharpton with gopher teeth and Hillary Clinton with a gangly swan neck.
"It seems, at least to me, that prominent civic and business leaders are turning into animals. The only explanation I can think of is that people have been flushing their unused medications down the drain for years. Perhaps the accumulative effects of hormones and antibiotics have taken their toll on the immune system of the patients, and caused mutations. I just don't know."
When asked if that indeed were the case, then why wasn't everyone on the planet growing horns and hoofs, Patel shrugged:
"I think it falls in with the old notion that in stepping on others in a ruthless quest for wealth or power, you just might succeed, but you may also end up making an ass of yourself, quite literally!"h="0" hei
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