Random Thoughts IV
on 12/14/2003 (10)
Like many other people from across the galaxy and parts of Kentucky, I often sit around and ponder the intricacies of life itself. Sometimes deep and though provoking items arise, most of the time they don't. Below are some such thoughts from the deep, dark recesses of my mind. While some may seem crude, there is a grain of truth hidden deep inside the cream filled center of each of these spicy fruitcakes.
The sewing machine may be the most frightening of all God's creations.
I feel that innertubing down rivers would be far more popular these days if it wasn't for the rapidly increasing shark population in rivers.
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, but even that couldn't save him from an army of indestructible robots.
They say Rome wasn't built in a day. It'd be stupid to say otherwise, unless Rome was built by some sort of cyborg construction team. But everyone knows that that sort of technology wasn't available until the late 1980's.
I am very good at debating, but for some reason, when I proclaim I am a "Master Debater", everyone always seems to laugh.
Vincent Van Gogh may be a better painter than I am, but that doesn't change the fact that he's dead. Ha ha, take that Van Gogh!
The only thing to fear is fear itself, and zombies.
A clever saying may prove nothing, but a dumb saying speaks volumes.
Perhaps the most bittersweet moment of all would be sitting in a doctors waiting room and hearing a good song playing on the radio, then being told that you have a venereal disease.
I often feel that I don't make enough Star Wars references in my everyday life.
I wish I could get the benefits of refinancing without all the paperwork. I also wish I knew what the hell refinancing is.
If I were to ever become a hitman, my trademark would be the grand pianos I dropped from buildings onto my victims. They would call me the Piano Killer and everyone would look to the sky in fear.
Since four wheel ATVs are safer than three wheel ATVs, just imagine how much safer a five wheel ATV would be!
I feel that combining Twister, Shoots and Ladders, and Operation would create the ultimate board game experience, a veritable triathlon of dice rolling goodness. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye. This is the sort of thing that would change the world forever.
For some people, the new Jetta is a perfect fit. For those of us who don't want a car that sucks, we must look elsewhere.
Someone should buy me a plasma screen TV. If you are that someone, please contact me and send me that TV post haste.
I think being Superman would be fun for a while, but eventually all that flying around and having to save the world would get old.
I often wonder if salt hates pepper. I suspect that it does.
Ghosts haunting houses has been done to death. If I was a ghost, I would pick something much more original to haunt, like a gas station or a nuclear power plant or Tito Jackson's house.
The next move for advertisers is road signs. In the years to come, you will soon see the likes of "Subway presents No Passing Zone", "Pepsi 55 mph", and "Otter Fish Protein Slippery when Wet".
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