Work makes man tired
on 1/21/2004 (1)
After a long day of work at the Cement Block Factory, Danny Lowell came home and laid down on his Star Trek themed couch. His head fell heavy onto his soft Rainbow Bright and Captain Picard cushions, and he let out a great sigh.
|Take a look, in a book... |
"I'm beat," he exclaimed. "I'm just really, really tired."
Danny had just returned from a ten hour work day, one of five such days he works each day. Danny dropped out of school when he was twelve years old due to a crippling stamp licking addiction and thus has been forced into a life of hard labor due to his lack of education and his inability to read or write.
"What I do is basically move cement blocks," quoted Danny later that day after a long, much deserved nap during which we took the liberty of replacing all his photographs with Dilbert comics. "We have a big pile of them (cement blocks), nearly a thousand feet high. And what I do is I take the blocks off of one pile, and move them to a pile ten feet away. From there, someone else moves then another ten feet, and finally a third person places them in a truck where they are presumably sold to drug overlords and various assorted nonprofit agencies for purposes that we shall never know but continually speculate upon."
And after a day of this hard work, Danny is routinely tired, too tired to even watch his favorite program, Star Trek: The Next Generation.
"I usually come home and just lay down, dreaming sweet dreams of Lieutenant Commander Geordy LaForge " says Danny. "I'm not sure why, I get a lot of sleep and I hate missing Star Trek. I'm just that tired."
We ran a series of tests upon Danny to see where the source of this unusual tiredness came from.
"We began by taking some blood and then jabbing Danny with assorted needles," says Dr. Arlen Hormuth, a specialist in the field of abnormal rock formations. "Sadly, we found no indications of any medical condition that could cause this tiredness in Danny. It sounds far fetch, but to the best of my estimates, it is the work that is making Danny tired."
While at first glance this may sound absurd, even bordering on really stupid, there may be some truth to it.
"As I have learned from various video games, everyone only has so much 'Energy' at their disposal," says Patrick Maloff, expert in the field of Human/Goat/Toaster relations. "This theory has been backed up in video games for years, from Joust to Castlevania to Street Fighter to Street Fighter 2 Super Happy Turbo Barbeque Edition. Performing special tasks such as throwing holy water at a vampire, executing a super combo, or lifting a heavy cement block will deplete this Energy. After a day of this, it could wear on a person and cause them to need to sleep, either on a couch or at a location called an Inn, to regain this Energy."
While we cannot tell for certain if this is in fact true, it is the only reasonable explanation for the affliction that has afflicted one Danny Lowell. Perhaps one day we will know for sure the true cause, but until that day comes, we have no other excuse than to blame it on work... and maybe Medicare reform.?si/tds/go.php?sid=1" w
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