Godzilla vs. Chuck Norris
In one of the most bizarre fights ever, fading star Chuck Norris challenged the one and only Godzilla to a boxing match.
|Giant lizard vs. medium sized man in a battle for the ages! |
"I never really liked Godzilla. I met him at a party once, and he was acting very snobbish. I mean, when I accidentally spilt my drink on his tail, he threw a plane at my house and destroyed Tokyo. That's rude," Chuck Norris said in an interview before the fight.
Chuck Norris hired Al Roker to train him for the fight, a move that confused any serious boxer. Godzilla on the other hand trained by launching an attack on Greenland.
"Although some people think it's odd that I'd retaliate against an innocent population like Greenland for practice, I thought it was required. I'm 891, I can't fight like I used to," Godzilla explained in his thick British accent.
Media covered the event like a man covers his genetalia from a cattle prod. Every TV station in the world had a camera there, even 'Religi-Vision'. The PPV event charged $2,000 for a viewing, and over 20 million citizens paid to watch it, some even resorting to petty murder and drug dealing to afford the cost.
"Yeah, I stabbed a guy with a rusty switchblade just so I could watch the fight. Some would call it horrible and degrading, but I'd call it necessary," an unnamed viewer said of his horrid crimes.
Since a regular stadium wouldn't be big enough to hold Godzilla, the Thunderdome set from the movie 'Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome' was fixed up and used to house the battle. Crowds of millions surrounded the structure, with police from 83 different countries called in to stop the hordes of fans.
The fight began at 8:00 PM. It ended 3 seconds later when Godzilla stepped into the ring, immediately crushing and killing Chuck Norris. The large crowds of fans went into hysterics at the short match, setting fire to everything they could get their hands on to, from fire hydrants to other fires.
"I saw this guy on fire, so I sprayed him with a hose. Next thing I know, he's holding a flamethrower and is running towards me," one fireman recalled.
The riots lasted for 4 days, finally ending when Chuck Norris's flaming corpse was lifted out of a pool of human blood. Godzilla showed little remorse for his fellow combatant.
"I mean, really. I'm a gigantic lizard monster, and he's a small human. It's pretty obvious who's going to die in that fight. It's like if I fought a huge robotic Jesus. The huge robotic Jesus would beat me, it's obvious," Godzilla explained.
With the fight between Norris and Godzilla so disappointing, we can only hope Mecha-Jesus and Godzilla will fight very soon.?sid/tds/go.php?sid=1" w
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