The Abominable Snowman leaves Arctic for NFL
on 3/19/2004 (4)
Just under a week ago, wrestling superstar Brock Lesnar shocked the world by announcing that he would be leaving World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to pursue a career in the National Football League (NFL), a highly competitive field where he has little to no prior experience.
|"Go long... or don't... I'm a fricken Yeti, what do I know about football?" |
Inspired by this gutsy and arguably moronic move, fabled arctic monstrosity, the Abominable Snowman, has announced that he too will be trying out for the NFL.
“It’s always been a dream of mine, to step out on that football field, catch the winning touchdown and then kick the winning extra point,” says Mr. Snowman. “Okay, I admit I don’t know all the rules that well, but that’s what training camp is for, right?”
When questioned on his obvious lack of any football knowledge or experience, the Abominable Snowman killed two of our reports, then responded with the following:
“I too always thought I had to have prior football experience to play, but Brock has shown me that you can follow your dream of football glory without experience, all you need is a dream in your heart and an uber-manly physique!”
Now that the Abominable Snowman has expressed his interest in playing, the real question boils down to “Where will his Abominableness be playing?”
“Well, I’m defiantly considering the Chicago Bears at this point,” responded Mr. Snowman. “Bears seem to be the genetically closest to me, besides Vikings and Cardinals of course.”
Other locations that seem well suited to the Abominable Snowman would be New England or Green Bay for their cold climate, Oakland for their need for a run stopping defensive linemen, or Philadelphia for their need for another sideshow attraction to compliment the newly acquired Terrell Owens.
Whether Brock Lesnar or the Abominable Snowman will succeed in the NFL remains to be seen. But should they do so, it will undoubtedly open the door for other football neophytes. Come this time next year, we could be seeing the likes of Big Foot, Santa Clause, Ted Kennedy, and Ellen Degeneres vying for their own spot in the NFL.i0"<
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