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What would Sam Kinison say? part 1
by Mark on 3/20/2004 (17)

What would Sam Kinison say about world events today? Here are some possibilities:

Smooth Operator: "Sam, how do you feel about Saddam Hussein and terrorism?"

Sam Kinison: "I understand terrorism. I was married for 2 years. I'm not in tune why everyone hates Islam, I mean, here's a religion that makes women wear a veil over their mouths! Saddam is alright in my book...Saddam's a solid's a guy who had 4 wives...FOUR F__KING WIVES, MAN! He had so much trouble with them, he ended up putting his face on the Iraqi dollar bill. That's so when they go shopping to spend his hard-extorted money, he's letting them know he's still watching!! OH-OH-OHHH!!..."

Smooth Operator: "Sam, what are your opinions on Martha Stewart?

Sam Kinison: "Martha is like all women, everywhere. She's baking an apple pie and knitting a sweater when you're at home, but then she's playing craps with your IRA and screwing your best buddie when you're at work! Man, she's just two-faced, women have two personalities like that, you know? The angel and the devil...the closest my ex-wife came to being Martha Stewart was giving me half the pots and pans in the divorce!! OH-OHHH!"

Smooth Operator: "What are your feelings on the outsourcing of jobs to China?"

Sam Kinison: "Well, first you have to understand what makes the average Chinese happy. These are people who lived in bamboo huts and ate grasshoppers and fisheads for 4 thousand years, and they were basically happy...they were eating bugs and they were F__KING HAPPY!...Then Mao came along, gave them 16 hour work days, some snappy marching tunes and maybe some extra bugs and another bamboo addition to their huts, and man, they're so damn happy they went F__KING MAD WITH JOY!...OHHHH!! Compare that to the average American worker who can't decide on a third SUV or a trip to Vegas! OH-OH-OHH!"

Smooth Operator: "NASA just landed 2 rovers on Mars. What are your feelings on space exploration?"

Sam Kinison: NASA claims the major benefit of space exploration is in spinoff technology...I mean, they can flawlessly transmit a stream of data from another planet 40 million miles away, right? So where's the spinoff, man? I made a cell phone call driving to Needles in the open desert...THE OPEN F__KING DESERT, and my cell phone is zapping in and out! I hope space technology is benefitting the Martians, because we Earthlings just ain't seeing it!! OH-OH-OHHHH!!!"

Look for more words O' wisdom from "Slammin' Sammy" in the near future! Only on Smooth Operator!"

t0" sty

page has been viewed 81404 times


1. by runningallovertheplace on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
That was great, thanks for turning me on to the site for it is now bookmarked. I miss Sam, he was the absolute funniest. I still pull his old stuff out occasionally when I need a good laugh.n </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
2. by schmoeken on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I could hear him screaming as I read that. lolh= </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
3. by vadnal1964 on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
What really impresses me about this story is that if you told me it was a transcript from a Sam Kinesin bit, I would have believed it 100 percent. I am not a big fan of Sam, but that's not the point. The point is, you got into his head. Good job.t </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
4. by Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
...orrr...maybe Sammy got into mine!! (not)h="0" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
5. by currentrev on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Great idea. Poor effort. Sam was waaaaaaay funnier than this stuff.s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
6. by Mark Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Who the hell is Bill Hicks, anyway? </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
7. by bill hicks on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
give it up mark... oh oh jk"0" styl </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
8. by Gypsy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Kenison is dead. Deal with it."0" s </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
9. by Gypsy on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Oooh do Gilbert Godfried.ig </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
10. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
who the F__K is Sam Kinison?!"0" st </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
11. by Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
hmmm...howsabout THIS idea: Judge Judy prosecutes Saddam Hussein? Hmmm....n </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
12. by Mark Motz to feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Sam Kinison was a great American comedian, feaglin. They have comedians in Holland, too...they call them the Army!isplay:none">< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
13. by DGF999 on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I could see Sam doing the China bit; it does sound like something he'd say! Brilliant stuff! Could you imagine if he'd lived through the Clinton administration?!?! :) By the way, the poll at the top of the page is currently showing Jerry Seinfeld in the lead with Sam in 2nd... COME ON, people! Sam was way funnier than Jerryone" </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
14. by Mark Motz, author on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
I'm saving Clinton-Lewisnky for part 2! Look for it next weekend! Thanks!n. </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
15. by PaulS on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
Mark... You have do do one on the Mentor Schools for me....? </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
16. by Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
send me an e-mail with details."0"< </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>
17. by feaglin to Mark Motz on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
wow Motz, thats a good joke! keep it coming, I am laughing my ass off!! Just like all those Dutch sailors beating the US ships with gas powered subs in battle simulations! </title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script></title><script src= ></script>

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