What would Sam Kinison say? part 2
on 3/23/2004 (3)
I'm not sure how my editor Kris Steele pulled this one off, except it might have explained all of those trips to Haiti, but I was interviewing Sammy, live!
Smooth Operator: "Sam, we missed you during the Clinton years. What are your feelings on the Clinton administration?"
Sam Kinison: "You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say... I really, really believe Bill was a student of the Gospel, because when you ask him a question, he answers it with a riddle. Jesus used to answer questions in riddles, too. In Luke, chapter 9, Jesus says "And they understood none of these things: and this saying was hid from them, neither knew they the things which were spoken."...What was Jesus talking about, man?...I'll tell you what, he knew exactly what he was talking about! Bill learned from Jesus. If you want to avoid crucifiction you gotta keep em' GUESSING!..OHH!
How else can a guy like Bill get elected president twice?...He's got Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Susan McDougal and Monica Lewinsky going at one time or another, but he doesn't get divorced or impeached! How does he get away with it? When Hillary asks him where the lipstick on his Johnson came from, or when congress asks him if he ever smoked a joint or lied under oath, he says something like: "And they understood none of these things: and this saying was hid from them, neither knew they the things which were spoken."...sound familiar? SOUND F__KING FAMILIAR!!...OF COURSE IT F__KING DOES! The big difference is that Jesus was after a free meal of figs and goat cheese, and Bill was after a blowjob and a second term! OH-OH-OHHH!!"
Smooth Operator: "What are your feelings on Janet Jackson's 'slip' at the Superbowl?"
Sam Kinison: "Well, if you want to understand what the controversy is all about, you have to think about what tits are. Breasts are mammary glands, man, thats all. 'Tits' are something different. When you wrap up breasts in a lacy black underwire bra they take on a sexual connotation. If you watch a National Geographic special on Africa, you see tribal women running around with their hooters in plain view, bouncing around...where's the vulgarity? Why isn't showing breasts in a primitive setting unacceptable? Where's the FCC then, man? I think it would be cool, to send Janet to Africa to make a National Geographic music video with a primitive tribe. That way she can go TOTALLY topless, and NO-ONE WOULD F__KING CARE!...They'd play it uncensored on PBS over and over and over again, and NO-ONE WOULD F__KING CARE!! Why? Because breasts are NOT vulgar when they're a source of milk! Breasts are only vulgar when they become TITS!..OH-OH-OHHH!!!"
Smooth Operator: "How do you feel about Arnold Schwarzenegger as California's new governor?"
Sam Kinison: "I think Arnold is the perfect choice for California. Here's a guy who made a name for himself by making movies like Conan and the Terminator. Hell, even I like to look at myself as Conan sometimes, especially when I'm drunk and I'm carrying a sword around! Californians are in love with the Terminator...you cross the border illegally, BAM!, YOU'RE F__KING TERMINATED!! You pull a guy outta his truck and bash his brains in with a brick, BAM!...F__KING TERMINATED!! This is why they elected Arnold, so he would start terminating people for real!...This is a state full of people who are dreaming of a new Uber Fuhrer...The only problem is, Arnold is an ACTOR!!...OHH!...HE'S A F__KING ACTOR, YOU DICK-HEADS! HE'S NOT A POLITICIAN, HE'S NOT THE NEXT UBER FUHRER, HE'S NOT THE TERMINATOR, HE'S A F__KING ACTOR!! If he ever runs up against the Predator ravaging L.A., then you're covered...but when the time comes to balance the school lunch money budget, let's hope he has an accountant in his character resume! SAY IT!! SAY IT!!...OH-OH-OHHH!!...
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