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The FCC: Keeping the Future Safe!
by Mel S. on 4/3/2004 (1)

Tony Danza, you can peddle your smut elsewhere!
Violence, sex, swearing, Dennis Franz. All of this smut pollutes our TV's today. Is there any cure for this horrible disease known as 'Entertainment'? Don't worry, the FCC is here to save the day! How? Well, using their enormous power which they got from hassling the little people, the FCC are implementing a new system called S.A.F.E (Safe and Fun Entertainment) which will clean up TV once and for all! How does the system work? Easy. There's a simple 3-step process to it.

Step 1: Cut out the Swearing!

The FCC understands that TV shows have the right to express themselves artistically, so when filming the episodes, swearing will be allowed. However, when the episode is aired on TV, all the swear words will be replaced with safe and friendly words such as 'Muffin', 'Rutabaga', 'Chair', and 'Tarp'. As an example, if someone is mad at someone else, they will say "Hey, muffinhead! I think you should go eat some tarp!". Now it's artistic and safe for the kids!

Step 2: Move all the Bad shows to a separate channel!

Some shows can't be edited down to family-viewing, such as 'OZ', 'The Sopranos', or 'Becker' so a new separate channel will be created just for adult shows. The channel will be called 'Smut TV', and it's what all the violent scum of the world will watch. In fact, during commercial breaks, the FCC will air commercials that simply say 'Why are you watching this, you sick freak!?', and 'This channel shows how depressing our culture really is...'.

Step 3: New Rating System

Due to complaints of the old rating system, a new one has been put into place. Instead of using the old TV-G,14,M ratings, a new two-level system has been in place. For all the clean and safe shows, they will be classified as 'Good'. All the hellish and evil shows will be classified as 'Spawn of Satan', and a huge flame will come out of the rating. But the FCC's not discouraging you from watching these vile and evil shows, they're just saying that by watching them, you'll go to hell.

So keep watching TV, because it's going to keep getting better and safer with this new system in place! And who knows, maybe one day Dennis Franz will finally be taken off the air!go.p/tds/go.php?si


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Comments

1. by feaglin on 3/1/2007 4:52:29 PM
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