Keys missing for 17 years found in couch
on 4/6/2004 (11)
The keys for a red 1975 AMC Gremlin, missing since 1987, have been found wedged between the cushions of their owner's couch.
|A 1975 AMC Gremlin, arguably the single greatest car ever. |
"I thought I'd never find them," said their owner, Steve Johnson. "I looked everywhere."
The keys had been in the couch for years and had become encrusted in various crumbs of food, remains of candy, spilled pop, and what appears to be pig's blood. Authorities were only able to identify the keys by the large Rainbow Brite key chain that accompanied them.
"Rainbow Brite hasn't been around for years, much to my dismay," commented one officer on the scene. "We instantly knew that this set of keys was from a better time when peace, harmony, wild hair, and ninja turtles reined supreme."
The police were following a tip that Mr. Johnson had hidden thirty pounds of heroine under the cushions of his couch when they located the missing keys.
"We received a call late last night that a big drug deal was about to go down and the drugs here being held in the home of Mr. Johnson," says local police chief Defacto Policeman. "When we arrived though, all we found, much to the delight of Mr. Johnson, were the keys he had been missing for years."
"I'm really happy I finally have my keys back," commented Steve. "It's also a good thing I was able to move that heroine a day early."
The keys belong to a red 1975 AMC Gremlin that has been parked illegally across two handicapped spaces for the past 17 years.
"I couldn't find my keys when I left home, so I had to take my spare set," claims Johnson. "Then I lost those in an unfortunate slurpee accident while at the gas station."
After losing the spare set, Steve had no way of moving his vehicle from its location. The Gremlin has remained there since, and has become somewhat of a local tourist attraction.
"People come here each morning to watch the police ticket the car for double parking and parking in a handicapped space," says one Gremlin fan. To date, the red 1975 Gremlin, affectionately known as "The Ticket Master", has amassed well over $50,000 in parking fines, all of which will have to be paid before Steve can renew the license on the car.
"I'm not too worried about the tickets," says Steve. "I recently came into a lot of money, it shouldn't be a problem to get them all paid for."
While many are happy that Steve has finally located his keys, there is also a sense of sadness in the community that has grown to love that little red car.
"I spent my first five years on the force ticketing his Gremlin," says Officer Travis Smith. "While I am happy for Mr. Johnson, it will be sad to see the car go. Not just for me, but for the whole community. Kids grew up with that car, teenagers threw rocks at that car, and old people cursed at it for taking up the two closest parking spots. That little red Gremlin has become a symbol of everything that is great in this nation, everything that America stands for. This is truly a bittersweet moment."
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