Could the Moon be Square?
on 4/9/2004 (1)
For years, man thought that the world was flat. Sailors, Pirates, and Vikings all feared the possibility of floating right off the edge of Earth. It was not until 1492 when Columbus discovered America and their satellite photographs that it was believed the Earth to be round.
|If it looks like a duck, and smells like a duck... wait, isn't that the Moon? |
Finally in 1954, the Supreme Court case “Rowe VS The World” proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Earth is round. But no such ruling, or any conclusive proof, has ever proved the geometric properties of our sister planet, the Moon.
“Most people feel that the Moon is round,” says former NASA scientist Dr. Jimmy Slothhat. “They’re wrong.”
From the Earth, the Moon appears to be round. This is largely the basis for the claim that the Moon is round. No formal testing has ever been performed to verify the truth of this claim.
“What most people don’t realize is that the Moon is really, really far away,” says Dr. Slothhat. “It’s like, a billion miles away. Imagine a long line at the drive thru for McDonalds… now multiply that by six. That’s the kind of distance we’re dealing with here.”
Slothhat and his minions feel that because the Moon is so far away, it’s hard muscular edges appear blurred and seem to form the shape of a circle.
“With distance, perception is distorted. It’s just like how you might see what appears to be a hot chick across the dance floor, but when you get closer, it turns out to be your grandmother or the sexiest damn coat rack you’ve ever seen,” says Dr. Slothhat.
“Einstein proved it years ago,” says Dr. Slothhat’s number one henchman, Henchman del Numero Uno “It was something like E = MC to the fifth root of Pi. It’s very mathematical and quite complicated. The logic of the proof is beyond comprehension of a normal human, so much so that only robots could possibly understand it. But the just of the proof is that objects far away may be squarer than they appear.”
Despite these claims, many scientists’ opinions of the geometry of the Moon remain unaffected. In fact, nearly the entire scientific community seems to have banded together against this new hypothesis.
“You can look at it, it’s round,” says one scientist who wished to remain nameless for his lack of having a manly name. “Who names their son Juliet? Honestly!”
“It’s crazy, the Moon is so obviously round,” says current NASA scientist Dr. Steven Sheepbeard. “We had to take that in consideration with our numerous moon landings. Not to mention the fact that a square is just not a naturally occurring geological formation. Even if the Moon had started out as a square, space winds and debris would have eroded it down to a circular shape by our present time.”
“The moon landings were faked, and erosion could never affect a being as powerful as the Moon,” responded Dr. Slothhat when made aware of Dr. Sheepbeard’s claims. “The good doctor is just trying to disprove my theory because I had his wife exiled to Canada for being a communist in the mid 80’s.”
Whatever the true geometry of the Moon may be, it doesn’t seem that it will be proved anytime soon. There are currently no plans to study the Moon’s geometry from any of the major space e
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