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Fox announces American Anti-Idol
by Mark on 4/14/2004 (1) 
Confounded by the inexplicable success of "Phantom of Sinatra" John Stevens and "The Asian bumble bee" William Hung, Fox producers are planning to redefine the American Idol concept.
 | | "Cowell: America would have given a standing ovation to Attilla the Hun!" | | A weary and bedazzled Simon Cowell, head in hands, explains:
"The entire American Idol concept has gone completely mad. It's almost like a page from Lewis Carrols 'Alice in Wonderland' where up is down and large is small."
Cowell rubbed his forehead
"We've decided to turn things topsy-turvy. In the Anti-Idol premise, the contestants with the fewest number of votes move on, and those with the greatest number are eliminated. In this way, we can ensure that the most talented contestant will rightfully win."
When asked to explain this baffling underdog phenonema, Cowell theorized
"I think it reflects the current contradictory status of American culture as a whole. Americans elect the least talented politicians over their betters, drink the worst beers over the good, and select the least intellectual, vulgar, empty headed music, radio and television over refined cerebral entertainment. It's almost as though America is undergoing a cultural Anti-Renaissance."
Cowell took a sip of ice water, swirling the glass reflectivley
"I'm not quite sure how far the dumbing-down of America will go, but if it follows the direction this show is going, we'll soon see a beetle-browed Neanderthal in the White House."
Meanwhile, in the Governor's mansion in California...
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